Dec 30, 2011

Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Anniversay Edition Review.

Merry Christmas everyone. Oh shut up I know it's late, but I've been busy playing games to review for you, so get ready folks, I got a 3DS for christmas. Unfortunately as I have not yet completed most of my games, though, I'll have to stick to this one.
Legend of Zelda: Four Swords originally was a 2003 GBA release and from what I've heard, it was pretty good. However, as Nintendo's 25th Anniversary loomed and as all of their developerd rushed to install all of the classic Zelda titles such as Link's Awakening DX (hey, it's old so it MUST be a classic, right?) on DSiware and Nintendo eShop, those smart bastards at Nintendo realized one thing: Four Swords' graphics would suck as is and also the player would be lost trying to find out just WHAT THE HELL was going on. And so Four Swords was outfitted to accomadate the 3DS's standards, which although pretty damn low for now is still higher than GBA standards, and we got the words Anniversary Edition slapped on the front.

Dec 22, 2011

The Ratings Sytem

So, it's been months and months and I have just realized: I never went over the ratings system with you! Now, originally I thought my A-F way of doing things was pretty straightforward, but I can see why some of you might've been confused by it. So, here it is:

A- Awesome. If you don't see, read, or play this game, you're missing a part of life

B- Pretty Good, but if you don't see, play or read this you're not missing much.

Zhu Zhu Pets The Game!

God, guys, I was hoping I would never have to review this. This is Zhu Zhu Pets the video game (for Wii)
So, I would like to say first off all, that this is not my game, I didn't buy it, I'm just borrowing it for now. Now, you guys might be wondering "Is this the next Barbie?" "Does it suck for a children's game?" "Does it deserve an F?" Let's find out.

Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town (Just not yours)

Hey guys, do you remember that classic Christmas movie, "Santa Claus Is Comin' to town"? No? Well you are deprived. Let's dive into Santa Claus is coming to town.
The movie opens with this deformed man telling us about how Santa Claus came to be.

Dec 14, 2011

Tri-Force of awesomeness

As many of you may know I often do crossovers on Cinema Won, but yesterday ZillaWrath has joined us when creating his own blog, MovieSplosion! Together we shall become a Tri-force of Blogging Awesomeness!

Member Blogs:
The Undefined Gamer
Cinema Won

The Chapmaniac

There shall ensue EPICNESS!!!

Dec 13, 2011

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: The Holiday Special You Don't remember

So sorry my adoring fans that I haven't posted recently, but all I can say is this: I'm a lazy asshole who has been avoiding many, many reviews lately including, you guessed it, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, or as I like to call him, Rudolph the randomly singing, CGI meltdown. So yup, you guessed it, the creators behind this movie obviously had one too many holiday whiskeys.
 God just looking at it I'm disappointing. For one thing, Rudolph looks like some plastic Christmas ornament, and god! Look right there! A talking kite? A talking pink hippo?

Nov 29, 2011

Luigi's Mansion 2

So, as 2012 is rapidly closing in, very soon we will see Luigi's Mansion's belated sequel on the 3DS, if the 3DS is still around.

I honestly don't think that it will be THAT great of a game, but not a terrible game, seeing as I know how hard it is to make a sequel after such a gap like this. Hey, Bionic Commando did great, and Golden Sun: Dark Dawn was great, too, but Luigi's mansion? Why not. Did I mention that the game is also transitioning from a home console to a handheld? Well, I bet Nintendo will be able to pull it off. Maybe.

Nov 26, 2011

Everybody go Buy Skyward Sword!

Okay, so I would like to say no, I haven't played this game yet, but one thing all the critics can agree is this is the best Zelda game yet. Based on the trailers, I wouldn't say that, seeing as nothing really amazed me, but hey, nobody said you absolutey have to put the Best part of your game in the trailer, just something to hook the gamer in. The story I know so far is there's basically an elf who likes a blond harp-playing elf, she eh gives him a skyward sword (i know you know what I'm talking about, so face-palm... NOW). However, while riding magical bird-things, the blond one falls off and a flying whale eats her. Determined to save her, the elf takes up the mantle of Link, and visits many lands, including a volcanoe, mine, and desert. Link also has a bunch more abilities, like the ability to use his sword as a metal detector to find items, makes sense to me, and a weird flying thing to fit in places Link can't. Now why should you be excited about this? Doesn't sound like anything special? Well, the best game ever made in the history of man was a little game called Ocarina of Time, which averages a 98%, and was a Zelda title. People are saying this is the best Zelda title yet, so do the math and this is the new BEST GAME EVER MADE. Sorry Half-Life, Halo, the door is to your left. BUY THIS!

Bionicle Story Part 6

Like a shining bullet of Death, Ghoe fell from the sky. At a raise of his arm, twin pillars of shadoa erupted from his fingertips and narrowly missed Teku, reducing a building to rubble in seconds. As Teku broke from the group of assembled Toa to avoid chunks of debris, green energy lanced off his spear in a weak offensive, which only msnaged to get Ghoe to lose his balance for a second. The other Toa where too preoccupied with the army of firedtone seals erupting from the ground and kidnapping villagers. Ghoe landed like a rock square on his feet, unharmed.
As the seals where making off with much more matoran, it became apparent that something huge was needed to fence them in. Mesarou rose his gauntlet up in the sky, and from his palm a swirling inferno ensued, creating a perimeter for the seals, and burning any daring ones. Ghoe calmly walked up to the Toa, his stormcloud now acting as a cloke of darkness.
Reunited, Senevtry, Straughteny, Teku, and Mesarou stood united, weapons meeted together for a combined elemental attack. Ghoe lifted up his arm and a pillar of black energy the size of a building blasted the Toa, whose combined might only held back the onslaught for half a second before they themselves where scattered like mice.
Ubrubtly, Mesarou got up to see if his friend Teku was still alive. Teku only stared deadly at him.
"Teku, Teku come on. Don't leave me brother!" Mesarou said through pained sadness, unable to cry being a Toa of fire to the loss of his friend. "You've survived so much, so many years--why fall now?"
Shocked, just a couple feet away, Straughteny looked on in horror.
In a dull, low voice, Mesarou's gaze shifted to Ghoe. "You." Picking up his shield with new determination, Mesarou ran. He ran with the fire of vengeance. He ran with the power of death. He ran for Teku. "You shall not survive this encounter!!!" With thst, Mesarou sprang and narrowly missed an endless pillar of shadow. "Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!" Palm outstretched, with all his might, Mesarou pumped every ounce of heat out to Ghoe, who was slammed to the ground by the shear force, heat condtantly assaulting his and melting a huge hole around him, until he slipped into the sea. Exhausted, Mesarou fell back to earth, satisfied Ghoe had been defeated.
But it would not last. Like an earthquake, the land began to tremble, and like a rocket, Ghoe shot out of the water, and erupted another pillar of shadow, which Mesarou lifted his shield weakly to defend.
"Noooooooo!!!" Senevtry watched on in horror as Mesarou was blasted aside like a wet doll, armor getting blown off his very frame, until his weak form smashed into the ice with a sickening crunch.
"Don't do something you'll regret," Starughteny said as he grabbed Senevtry's arm sadly. "It is more important that we get whatever matoran we can to safety, see-"
"Don`t YOU JUST RELIZE WHAT JUST HAPPENED? HE MUST PAY. Our brothers are dead and are never going to rise again. Don't you care-"
"My dear friend, don't believe that I don't, you must know by now that we cannot overcome this. Now, we can hide the matoran in the Toa Suva Chamber. If we hurry and with your power over rock, we can sava a dozen more than if we die here, Now come, we must hurry."

To Be Continued....,

Nov 19, 2011

The Smurfs Volume 1 Review

Sorry folks for this little draught I've had for reviews, but hey, why don't I review this, something I've been putting off for a long time- and with good reason. This is The Smurfs.
Now, when I say Smurfs I don't mean any of that spin-off crap like Smurf babies, no I'm talking about the original eighties show. This is simply volume one, the first five episodes, so I would like you to keep in mind this isn'f the whole show, just volume one.
So for the first couple episodes it focuses mainly on the Smurfs, shocker, right?, as apparently they live in a world where the seasons change every week. Seriously, in the first episode it went to summer, winter to summer again in a week. And only one Smurf was prepared, which of course is his only personality trait. Now I know what you're thinking "How can a character with only one personality appear anything but two dimensional?" Well, I'll tell you.
The Smurfs, like Snow White and the Seven Dwarves before it, has characters named after personality trsuts. Whereas in Snow White, the dwarves arr cleverly named "Happy" or "Grumpy", the Smurfs go a step further and slap "Smurf" to the end of their name. However, although in the Smurfs their given character trait dominates their personality, i.e. Angry Smurf is angry, there is still some depth, like for example Angry Smurf isn't always angry, and some actually combat their trait and overcome it (which should lead to a name change). Anyways, bottom line is, they are mostly two dimensional, but not completely, but thankfully Hanna-Barbara figured seeing as there are a lot of Smurfs, they can get away with skimping on the character development for most if The Smurfs.
So anyways, snow. It unexpectantly snows, and only one smurf is prepared (he made a jacket), while the rest freeze to death and basically get sick. However, to cure themselves, they need some Smurfroot, so original, to cure themselves, which all the stupid, lazy smurfs forgot to get ( I don't think those are actual Smurfs), so of course the Smurf with the coat goes out, get it, gets chased by Gargamel and boom! Everything turns out well.
The second episode, if I remember right, is about Brainy Smurf basically keeping tabs on everyone like a stalker while Papa Smurf, the only one who dares to wear red, puts himself in a coma after he has to fix something that apparently drained his energy completely, because just sleeping it off would just be silly, right? Well, as nobody does any work-shocker- Brainy Smurf apparently gets bored, decides to stalk his family, and does laundry. Now, him being the smartest of The Smurfs, of course he messes this up and Gargamel, a middle-aged screwup of a wizard, finds them and follows the scent of the clothes right to the Smurf's camp. Of course, the other Smurfs take Brainy's actions as traiterous, and decide to lock him up in a room with plenty of stuff to help him escape and they don't even LOCK THE DOOR. God, these people are dumbasses! They deserve to be invaded! Anyways, Papa Smurf wakes up and throws a potion at Gargamel that makes him trade places with his cat Azrael, while not wiping his mind so he can come back later.
The next couple episodes focus mainly on Yohan and Peewee, two mideval, um, teenagers who um, go to random places to do good and um, know the Smurfs somehow. Honestly! These characters seem to be soley created because the creators where probably like "Hey, we have a mideval world. And you know that Dungeons and Dragons thingee? They have one too. But where they have Big strong warriors, we have little blue... children. You, make a warrior, no a teenage warrior with a little puke sidekick. The kids'll just eat that stuff up." And indeed they did. Being a Golden Sun fan, Yohan really did apeal to me, and if he lost Peewee, his annoying midget sidekick, got some better artists and got a game of his own, I probably would like it. As it is, Yohan and Peewee get two whole episodes dedicated to them, one where they must find the heir to an old castle so a ghost can finally join his friends, don't ask, and one where an evil wizard tries to overthrow a kibg. Both are a good break from the usual Smurf storyline, not that I don't like it, it's just that a little break now and again is appreciated where the Smurfs take the backseat. Of all the episodes surprisingly these two have the least stupid, and don't worry, The Smurfs are still present.
Now to the last episode. My god, This one has some festival where some mystical swamp fire is needed. Don't ask, but through a berry-picking activity Scaredy Smurf is chossn, which of course he chickens out, and he has a Smurf that can't say "no" do it for him. And of course he screws up, so turns out a moro swamp monster who apparently doesn't know that they could just reignite the stupid Foxfire, yes that's what it's called, with the damn torch IN THE SMURF'S HANDS. The whole episode is basically the Smurfs undoing that one mistake, an guess what? It includes a musical number by Papa Smurf. Too bad it's in monotone.
In all, The Smurfs tv show Volume 1 was an interesting look in the past. For eighties shows, it's really good, seeing as though the animation can be fun to look at and the writing does see some clever moments, it also seems to lag at times. In the opening, I still find it creepy that the Smurfs are so excited from a kiss from Smurfette, seeing as she technically is their sister. Oh, and if you replace Smurf with a swear everytime they say it, it can lead to some funny dialogue.

Final Score: B+

Nov 8, 2011

On Justin Bieber and Michael Jackson

Oh god folks. This is it. I finally go over MJ and Bieber with you, IN THE SAME POST. Please, if you have weak constitutions please run screaming to your right, otherwise remain seated and see what I have to say.
Now let's start with how I initially thought about Justin Bieber. Back then, he was just an average dude with cool hair (I learned to hate it later), and his one main song wasb"Baby", which back before it had been pounded into my skull thanks to the radio, I actually liked. Most songs are about events in the singer's life, and I actually liked the whole story of his rejection and also how he rose to popularity, spiting that person. I didn't initially have a problem with his voice, hey Michael Jackson sung in a relatively high voice, too, and while people may make fun of it, that certaintly isn't a factor why people don't like him personally.
People didn't care about MJ because his music improved to the point where he earned the name king of pop, whereas with Bieber his music went downhill, but something funny with Bieber is many critics don't flat out say "I don't like him because of his music", no they go after his voice. Personally, I think that this is generally because the average citizen, especially males have this small prejudice and unneasiness with high-voiced males, and Bieber is a prime chance to jump at the people's hysteria to advance their own popularity further. Others, however actually sensibly judge him on his actions, like his "Bieber Baby", which didn't surprise or change my opinion of him at all. What, Joe Jonus is allowed to punch a five-year old but Justin Bieber can't have a kid that will probably grow up with more money than any of you reading this will have? Weird.
However, again with the MJ comparisan, Michael Jackson was the complete opposite. His music was so good that most of us ignored the fact he might've been a child rapist, who had a high voice, a combination that will not earn you many friends in our American Society. Again, I like MJ because I like his product, whereas I just don't like Beiber or the Irate Gamer for another example because I don't like their products. In a way, his declining quality seems to make his other qualities seem worse, like his hair for example, which isn't too bad. No, you guys should be making fun of Katie Perry's hair more than Bieber's. The last bit of hate is probably centered around his age, but guys, remember, he isn't 16 anymore, I believe he's around 18 now, so he's basically an adult now, and to tell you the truth, compared to other celebrities in his position, he has done remarkebly well with handling his fame. Oh, and one last thing. His movie. Due to the epic failure of not only his and Fred's movies, for some reason I feel as if he's sort of ruined it for other Youtube sensations. Don't believe me? Well just look how hard the Angry Video Game Nerd (James Rolfe) has had finding a company to support his movie. Personally, I don't see a reason NOT to entrust your fortunes in his movie, seeing as after 100+ episodes and just about 10 years of experience, there has not been a decrease in quality for his videos and each get 1 million + views, so why WOULDN'T you entrust him. Come on Universal! Just end your horrible Barbie movies and make room for the nerd in your budget!

Oct 31, 2011

Something Truely Scary: MAD Tv Show review.

Mad Magazine. It's funny, profane, and funny. Did I mention it is funny? However, take Mad Kids, which takes away some of the profanity and thus some of the humor, condense it into a 30-minuter kids show with spoofs that have characters that don't sound anything at all like the characters they are spoofing, and you have Mad, the TV show.

Now, many of you might remember the show on Comedy Central titled Madtv, but don't worry, this show isn't as half as decent as what I've heard of Madtv. No, this is on Cartoon Network, where quality is scarce and everything is gross. This is Mad.
So before I get twelve trillion complaints, no, I haven't seen Madtv, but I have read Mad Magazine, and yes I know even in the Magazine, there are still a whole lot of unfunny, gross jokes, but however there are a lot of funny spoofs as well. Mad the TV show however, centers on the grossness and although there are its share of spoofs I like, the main show just seems to fall flat.
I liked at first their spoofs of iCarly and CSI by making CSiCarly, for example, but really two factors bring it down: the grossness and just the style of animation. It really in this case looks too much like a comic book (It was produced by DC, after all), which is fine in Mad Magazine, but to transition it over to a kid's show just seems awkward and uneeded, even lazy. This was escpecially the case in this episode with Carly and Sam having huge overexaggerated heads that have no place in the spoof and just makes the spoof seems a little awkward. Also, this is present in their Glee spoof, however that spoof is devoid of comedy. Why? Because apparently kids are too stupid to get any funny Glee jokes because as we all know, it's the hardcore 30 year old croud that watches Glee, right?
Now let's get to the little side things. Anybody who has ever read an issue of Mad knows in the margins there are little cartoons that add to the comic by adding something extra to read. However, in the show they mainly are, you guessed it, gross and distracting. They really seem to have no purpose but to fill in gaps where Cartoon Network couldn't sell commercial space because nobody seems to want their product placed next to this monstrosity. Except for Barbie. And Lego. And of course the Lego rip-offs (Playmobile, you are fooling no one!).
Another big part of the magazine is the false products/rejected characters section, and here I group them together because for the most part, they both suck. Now, don't get me wrong, I actually liked like their segment on the Beiber Bowl (which apparently is how Justin Bieber and others get their hair in that dome-shaped fashion), but their other products like the "Taylor Swiffer" (a broom that looks TOO much like Taylor Swift) and their "Wolverclean" (Wolverine with cleaning utensils instead of claws), quite frankly I just find offensive and lame, for these kind of things basically only work if who you're making fun of is lame. The rejected characters get much the same treatment, although here each segment I'm sort of split, I like half of their characters, and hate the rest.
Finally, the last element on this snowy halloween (don't ask) is what I like to call their "Photoshop Spoofs". I call them this mainly because they look as if someone has made the animation in Photoshop (and maybe they did!), to try to simulate in some cases Magazine clippings. For those of you who read Entertainment Weekly, it's exactly like when at the beggining of an article they sometimes have an exaggerated photoshop image of a celebrity, plus animation and sometimes bad writing. Again, these spoofs typically mash up movies like Twigh School Musical (HIGH School Musical + Twighlight, because two boring and annoying movies MUST be hilarious together, right?), but also include solo spoofs like their spoof of Avatar, which sucks (the spoof not the movie!). Again, I am split because these spoofs can bear fruit the same as the rest, but here it's mostly downhill, especially for the double spoofs, which where made and/or:
A. The writers ran out of creativity, so they figured, well hey two sucky spoofs are better than one!

B. They ran out of room for spoofs of both movies in the magazine, and doubt there will be room next season (ANOTHER Season? Ha! DC, you have very cruel minds).

So that was Mad in a nutshell. For the most part, yes Mad sucks, but however there are several redeeming qualities, like when they ACTUALLY make something funny. The only segments that don't have anything funny or redeeming are the trabsition "filler" segments, but those aren't usually more than 20 seconds long. The show isn't exactly shit, and even the bad spoofs have a joke or two that actually is clever, or at least thought out to an extent. As far as spoofs go, I've seen suckier ones that only someone Mad could like, that or vampires.
Happy Halloween!

Final Score: C+ (Just to be nice for Christmas, I mean Halloween)

Oct 30, 2011

Ice Age 4

Ten years after Blue Sky Studio's groundbreaking debut movie, Ice Age, On July 13, Continental Drift is supposed to be released, directed by Steve Martino and Mike Thurmeier, the fourth installment has Manny, Sid, and Diego separated from each other due to the apparently super-fast moving continental drift, either that or Manny, Sid, and Diego are immortal. And to escape this, they make a ship...out of ice. How original (it's ICE AGE after all. So the fourth installment will be a seafaring adventure of epic proportions, or a wet failure to our beloved cold trilogy. Let's just hope the world ends before this movie can screw up.

Oct 24, 2011

Lego Harry Potter Years 5-7: What happened to Secrecy?

Well, next month the sequel to 1-4 (see review on my blog) is coming out (in Europe), and really I'm surprised how much of this game has been leaked. Like its predecessor, it will have players following arrows to reach the next room, and will also feature unlockable characters such as Arthur Weasely and others. Just look up Lego HP Years 5-7, and you'll see just how much stuff has been leaked. Wow! Just look here:

Professor SlughornEdit

Summary: Find Professor Slughorn in his house, and convince him to come back to Hogwarts.

Characters: Harry Potter (Casual), Albus Dumbledore (Casual), Professor Slughorn (disguised gown)

Unlockable Character Tokens: Harry Potter (Casual), Albus Dumbledore (Casual), Professor Slughorn (Disguised Gown)

Places: Mysterious Neighborhood, Mysterious House

Level Type: Puzzle

THIS IS RIGHT FROM THE SITE! How do they know that! There's even screen shots! Look:

What? Did they get it from the Trailer (which I have not yet found) or did they steal a prototype of the game? Or is this from Years 1-4? Was this game already released and TT games was just lying to us? How do people know all this????

Well, whatever the explanation, I have a feeling that Years 5-7 will be a very... interesting game.

Oct 23, 2011

Inheritance Book 4 is.... Inheritance.

Yes people, it appears Christopher Paolini has run out of ideas and Book 4 of the Inheritance Cycle is simply titled Inheritance. Eragon, Eldest, Brisingr, Inheritance. Just seems to stick out. I'll still be buying the book this november, but really? Come on, that's like calling Terminator 5 just "Terminator" or Star Wars Episode 11 "Star Wars" or Super Mario Bros. 26 "Super Mario Bros." If I where you, I would've just stuck with Empire, as many of your fans have been urging you to do. Come on, Chris, after your failed movie, you're lucky Eragon is still in people's bookshelves, so don't abuse it.

Oct 21, 2011

3 Things Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters should do.

Well, guess what? This year, sequels are just popping out of people's heads, heck, even Fred got one, and everybody's favorite little screw up, Percy Jackson just so happened to get one. I would like to say, I actually liked this movie, but being a reader of the books, I am still a little ticked at how little the Lightning Thief movie resembles the book. Nevertheless, I will tell you things I expect from Sea of Monsters.

1. Cast people who actually look like the characters! Seriously, how'd you look at:
And get:

Just, wow, no comparison.

Oct 20, 2011

Real Snakes Wear Pink: Metal Gear Solid 3DS Trailer

Metal Gear Solid 3DS. Just rolls off the tongue just like some heavenly ice-cream cone. All I have to say is @#$% Yeah!!! This is Solid Snake on DS! I mean, wow, first we get him in Brawl and now this! Awesome.

So, let's just get to the Trailer, seeing as that's all I can do with this game for now. Now, many of you may see this is for 3DS, and might fear that the 3DS's new technologies might mess up Snake like it did Splinter Cell before it.
Rest in peace, brother. However, by the time Snake comes out, it will be a whole YEAR after that, and that gives Snake's developers plenty of time to work on the controls, and honestly, from what I've seen, it looks pretty darn good. It implements the motion controls when needed and does jump at the graphics, although honestly they do look a little downgraded from his Brawl appearance.
Oh, and there's this little commodity: You can change the color of snake's uniform by taking a picture of random things. So, yeah, you could have a yellow snake, a blue snake, an orange snake, and any other messed up colors your little mind can imagine.

Wow that looks nice.
Anyways, bottom line is, there is potential to go wrong, but I doubt Snake will let you down. Buy this game, but keep the receipt in case of emergency.

Live-Action Bakugan Movie: What did we do Wrong, People?

Why why why why? Why did they decide to make this little train wreck to be? has said that Stuber Pictures and Spinmaster Ltd. will make a movie, a live action one nonetheless, on everybody's favorite transforming balls. Well, it can't be THAT bad, after all they did land Harald Zwert as a director from The Karate Kid (2010), and hey why wouldn't a guy who has brought us the joy of "jacket off" make transforming balls weird? Well, hey, why not? It's not like this Bakugan was ever weird to begin with. Except for this guy.

I still don't get what those round princess things on his arms are.

Oct 18, 2011

The Hidden Trailer

This game just seems like another DSi game. The problem, though, is that the DSi is dead. The problem with the DSi, was and still is, that it's unnecessary. Yes, the camera and editing options are nice, but they're never enough to sustain a whole game. That, and the fact that you can play new games on a regular old DS, so like the Lite, there is really no need to buy it.

But I have to admit there where some cool curiosities from the DSi, and this game seems like one of them. The whole game reminds me of the Flying Dutchmen level from Drawn to Life: Spongebob Squarepants Edition, with one catch: it takes place wherever you want. It takes full advantage of the 3DS's camera, as there are no levels made here, just whatever it's filming services as the background. A curious commodity for sure, I would definately take caution in buying this game at full price, for small gimmicks like this almost never support a full game.

Oct 17, 2011

Purple with Disdain: Skylanders Trailer

Right now we all have been exposed to the multiple Skylanders
commercials and merchandise, and also many of us have seen the new
trailer, as have I. Now, I haven’t reviewed many trailers at all, but
here’s what’s going to happen: I watch it and basically tell you my
first impressions. So, without further to do, let’s plunge into the
Skylanders trailer on the Nintendo Channel.

Apparently, there is a mystical place called the Skylands, guarded by
the mighty Spyro and his companions whose names are basically
variations of Rock Smash and Boulder Pummel, but one day some evil
lord that look like some character out of Tak and the power of JuJu

comes out and transforms them into toys, and banishes them to earth.
But the Skylanders have not been defeated yet, for they are still
alive! Somehow, through some mystical shit, children can awaken their
secret power to save the world!

Now, I know I probably just told you everything that happened in the
trailer, but I think that maybe 1/25th of you have Wiis, and probably
1/3rd of you have no idea the Nintendo Channel even exists, so there
are chances you haven’t seen it. Now, let’s get to my concerns and
hopes for this.

My most basic concern is Spyro. He is the reason I will play this
game, and they screwed him up! He barely looks like Spyro! God! If
they just stuck to his Dawn of the dragon look, he’d be fine!

Yeah, that’s better.

The graphics for what I’ve seen, are actually pretty nice for a Wii
game, seeming to have Super Mario Galaxy level graphics. The only
other concern is the villain, who I don’t find menacing at all.
My hope is this game can overcome its awkward Spyro, and hopefully out
kickass Dawn of the Dragon. That’s really all I want. Make Spyro
better. Improve on the series. You’re fourteen games in, this isn’t
the time to suck. Other than that, when all this Skylanders thing is
over, I hope the franchise returns to mainstream Spyro games, with all
of the awesome cast including Cinder, Ignitus, Volteer, and whatever
new villain might lurk around the corner. If you’re a fan of Spyro, I
say give it a shot, maybe first wait a couple weeks until some poor
shmuck reviews it, then buy it or not, but I feel like the Spyro
franchise has already proven itself to be a worthy contender for your
money, and I feel like Sierra knows better than to completely screw up
everybody’s favorite purple dragon.


Oct 9, 2011

A Non- Chapmaniac, Pony related Review

                                                            csimadmax's pic

         Hello, I am Liam Lonergan (aka. youglyface), part time blogger, full time brony.
          I will be doing a review for you today.

          And I'll try to stay impartial (no promises).
          Click on title for full review

                My Little Pony Friendship is Magic is a very good show. And not just good for My Little Pony either, it’s objectively good. The characters at first glance don’t seem to be too special but as the series goes on you see a lot of time and effort was put into making likeable, believable characters that you feel for. The music, from background to official, full-scale musical numbers was genuinely worked hard on and shows, along with the animation. The stories aren’t just the same run-of-the-mill child’s storylines and were really thought about to be the best they could be. The only problem I can see is that sometimes concepts that need to be used for the story are “dumbed down” for younger audiences, which at times can be a little obvious
 It’s really a credit to the team that they didn’t just make another 20 minute commercial like all the others and really put effort into it. Not having seen much of the other generations, I can’t well compare them, but according to the opposition bronies get I am assuming they are as bad as they seem. If you watch the show going into it with an open mind, sort of “forget” it’s My Little Pony then you will probably find that you will enjoy it. Remember, the main reason someone says it’s stupid and doesn’t like it is because they haven’t seen it yet.
          Also, Fluttershy is best pony.

Oct 5, 2011

Bionicle Story Part 5

It was a dark and stormy day in the arctic village. Clouds hovered menacingly over the gates, and the character inside even more menacing.
With fear, rage, and anger, Ghoe lunged for the village below, jet pack spewing cold, dark clouds. His destination: Toa Straughteny's head

Spirax slithered into the cold, dark pool and whipped forward like a boomerang. His victim was merely twenty feet below him. With hands of steel, he grasped the wriggling red, white and blue Firestone Seal, who vastly populated the arctic.
The seal struggled, even tried to use his powerful fire attack that stung like fireflyer stings, but Spirax's own iron grip did not waver, in fact it tightened. The Firestone Seal stopped struggling as Spirax shot to the surface, and the seal's lithe form filled up with a fraction of Spirax's darkness.
On dry land, Spirax stuttered, slipped, while the creature was undergoing its transformation. When Spirax got up, a very different creature stood before him.
Although appearance was the same, its eyes gleamed with hate, and its newly-aquired shadow seemed to seep out of its being.
"You will gather others of your kind and spread our little...blessing. Once infected, you shall meet me at the matoran village fo its...,dismantlitation. Go."
With that, the Seal dove underneath the waves, and Spirax shot a huge burst of energy seemingly at the water, and broke the ice.
After minutes of patience, Spirax got what he wanted. A huge, shadowy creature emerged from the ice, and Spirax climbed on to begin the conquest....

As the sky darkened, fear spread through the village. Standing strong, the Toa Eshtann stood together, weapons pointed in the air to receive the onslaught, and to combat the darkness....

To Be Continued....

Oct 4, 2011

Count my spelling errors!

As you may know, I don't have AutoCorrect so as a result, my posts have suffered quality-wise due to countless spelling errors and grammatical mistakes. What I ask is you, the readers to just how many times I screwed up, and if I go back and your number is the closest, you'll get something, maybe a shout out, maybe I'll review whatever you want for a week, I don't know, I haven't decided yet. Post it (the number) as a Comment. Thank you.

Oct 3, 2011

On Live-Action Star Wars

So, it's been six years since the Live-Action Star Wars series has been anounced, last May 50 episodes have been written, and casting has begun. Many of you are probably rolling your eyes and saying "God, more Star Wars?", but to be truthful I'm really excited. Here's why.
I grew up with Star Wars episodes 1-3, and loved them, got into the action figures and books, and got increasingly drawn into the characters, especially. If you read the books, you would know there's at least 40-50 memorable, creative characters throughout the prequel series, but the problem is they get precious little screen time. So, when they msde a three or four pary animated series in 2006, I was thrilled, and ever-memorable characters like Asajj Ventress where born, and already existing characters like Master Tiin, Shaak Ti, General Grievous, Commander Cody, and Mace Windu where developed further, whom of which I all love. It was big, it wad great, it was flashy, and it was... four parts.

Oct 2, 2011

Extreme Couponers

If you're like me, then you probably only watch TLC for Cake Boss, however, TLC has other shows as well, many that however, turned out worse than John and Kate Plus Eight, but I'm not going to talk about one of those shows. Today, we'll look at Extreme Couponers.
Extreme Couponers is a show that appeared over the Summer that tells the story of people that overcoupon, whether by financial troubles or the allure of free stuff. These people, whatever the case, spend waaaaayyyyyyy too much time on the manufacturer websites, which when combined with Sunday Paper coupons and discounts, can make huge purchases cost basically nothing. In one episode, this guy gets sic cartloads of stuff for Free!

Sep 27, 2011

When Blue-men Fly: Megamind

Megamind. The hilariously-immature supervillian. There's really nothing else to him.
Megamind originally was a much older movie, spoofing much Superman elemants such as Metrocity for Metropolis and Metroman for Superman. However, Megamind certaintly isn't a Lex Luther.
The story begins exactly the same as Superman, only this time, Metroman isn't the only baby sent into space, Megamind has come to play. So basically in an act of dickiness, Metroman sends Megamind into a prison, where he would be raised by inmates, whereways Metroman will be raised by rich people. Where are child services? You just can`t leave a baby in a prison because the prisoners found him! What are they going to do, say he was theirs? Yes, this prison FULL OF MEN had a baby secretly. Sorry, but unless you're Lady Gaga, that's not possible.
So the rest of Megamind's childhood involves everybody being a dick to him, him trying to fight back, and him getting in trouble for it, while Metroman gets all the glory.
This breeds a fierce rivalry in which Megamind transforms into a Doofensmirtz, only slightly smarter, and a local reporter names Roxanne Richy plays the oft-kidnapped damsel that seems to get caught up in the madness every time. Guess who's the subject of today's feud? No, it's a rock.
So bla bla kidnapping, bla bla saving, bla bla METRO MAN IS DEAD! Yeah, turns out Copper is his Kryptonite, and it turns his powers off, so when Megamind made him explode he died, and no one watching this movie cares. Really, I actually looked forward to this point because in fact he is a dull character. Megamind is so much more lively, and with his fish friend minion, Will Ferell's best villain is just plain amusing, if not hilarious.
However, it does get annoying. Watching this movie, I continually started getting drawn into the Superman storyline, but when I did, it seemed as if the movie just said No right in my face, which lead to many annoyances throughout the film.
So, let's sum up the rest of the picture. Megamind get's bored, takes Richie's cameraman Hal and makes him a hero named Titan, disguises himself as a nerd named Bernard, and gets his secret blown and loses Minion, then Titan goes after Richie and gets rejected, teaching kids that no matter what you do, even if you get superpowers, the woman of your dreams will never love you. Ouch.
So then, guess what? Megamind blows his cover again with Titan, and Titan tries to kill him, naturally. Shocked, they have a battle, Megamind loses, the Mayor thanks Titan, which he graciously accepts by flicking him into a wall. Megamind goes back to his school, where just like Superman, Metroman is still alive, but is in hiding as "Music Man". Despite the fact that everybody he knows and loves is in danger, Metroman turns them down,and Megamind rises to the occasion by returning to jail, which he escapes the next day.
Megamind comes back, kicks ass, abd Titan loses, just like that policeman in Jumanji, and by the day is donem they all have a pointless dance scene at the end of the movie to Bad by Michael Jackson.
This is a good movie, don't get me wrong, but with all the emotional turmoil and all, and Megamind's positive attitude torwards it, it just seems like Will Ferell impersonating a villain than actually being one, which he is doing, I appreciate the Superman Spoofing, but honestly I don't think it wad necessary for a full-length movie. The plot twists are nice and unexpected, and the movie deserved more than just the 3 months we seemed to pay attention to it.

Final Score: B+

Sep 21, 2011

My Most Anticipated Nintendo Games

Seeing that there have recently been a lot of Nintendo games (at least for Nintendo Consoles) coming up, I decided I'll show my favorites based off of the trailers. Didn't see Arkum City? That's because there's no trailer as of this posting time.

Super Mario 3D Land- Mario Galaxy basically without the galaxy. Graphics are updated and return of the fox-pajamas.

Mario Kart 7- two words FLYING CARS.

Professor Layton and the Last Specter- Although I haven't played the games, I was drawn into the Full Metal Alchemist-like cut scenes and puzzles, combined with a Sherlock Homey type atmosphere. Oh, and it's not for 3DS, it's for DS.

Zelda and the Skyward Sword- Do I even need to explain this?

Kirby's Return to Dreamland- the graphic strong Kirby I've always dreamed of.

Metal Gear Solid- Snake on Wii U. Self-explanetory.

Spider-man: Edge of Time- Graphics impressive on XBox. Spider-man fighting high-def badies. Spider-man 2099 coming and saving him. Oh, and it's for Wii.

Starfox 64 3D- it fims your opponents reactions as you kill them. Why wouldn't you want that?

Luigi's Mansion 2- Great game that unfortunately has to wait for the Wii to die to see a sequel in Wii U.

Golden Sun 4- although not officially announced, we all know this is coming. You can't just end a franchise with "Thr End.....?". Impressed with Dark Dawn, the 3DS-bound title will look even impressive.

So those are my games. Did I miss any? What's your most anticipated games? Tell me! Oh, and although I know this won't be as good, I'm still looking forward to that new Spyro game. What's it called? Skylancers? Skyward Dancers? Sky Crashers? Anyways, I'll be playing it.

Sep 18, 2011

A Whipping Good Time: Lego Indiana Jones 2 Review.

When Lego decided to make the first Indiana Jones game in the Lego format, they took a huge risk by including the original trilogy, knowing Crystal Skull would come out very shortly afterwards, perhaps in hopes that this new Indy will spawn an entirely new trilogy like Star Wars before it. But when Crystal Skull turned out to be a bomb, and with plenty of CS sets selling, Lego was thrust into the uncomfortable position of having to make a game based off of one movie only, and that movie wasn't even THAT good, but still better than some.
However, Lego decided not to go in alone, and smartly included scenes and levels from the previous 3 movies not included in The Original Adventures game. New to this game also is a builder mode similiar to Lego Harry Potter Years 1-4. Scattered across the game are bonus levels, also reminiscent of Harry Potter, but most only become accessible after beating the main game. Heck, even the whole layout (you get to go wherever you want and YOU have to find where you're supposed to go) is very Lego Potter-like. And yes, the split-screen two player is exactly the same as Potter.
Improved from Lego Indy 1 is the cut scenes, which although long actually feels a little bit like a movie, as cut-scenes are supposed to. The chase scenes are perhaps the best part of this game, and are massively fun due to the awesome stunts you can pull off. The glitches seem to all be resolved, as I have yet to encounter one, and the whole "figure out how to move on" thing has gotten easier.
The save points, however, are terrible. Usually, I have to play through an ENTIRE MOVIE to SAVE. What? The old format was too hard!?
Now, let me get to the movies. Temple of Doom, Raiders of the Lost Arc, and The Last Crusade all get one block, er, box, while Crystal Skull gets cut into 3 or 4 parts. Remember, the other 3 movies are consisted of deleted levels and bosses (some I doubt where in the movies), but somehow, they feel like complete movies, even though I know they aren't. I just can't explain it, you'll have to play to know. Crystal Skull is ok, too...
Lego Indiana Jones 2 is definately an improvement over the original. It's not the Bionicle Video Games Series with XBox level-graphics that I want, but it's certaintly not a dud.

Final Score: A-

Sep 17, 2011

Bionicle Story Part 4

Ghoe was far up in the heavens when the stranfe multicolored creatures caught his eye. One red, one green, one black, one brown. All around them milled smaller multicolored creatures- the matoran. The taller ones resembled toa- his sworn enemies for now, and he even was tempted to dive down and destroy a handful of them, until in mid-dive, a glint of silver on the black one's chest gave way to a torrent of memories.
He knew this toa.
Engulfing himself in sinister black mist, Ghoe smiled. Then he laughed.
"Revenge at last, my dear Straughteny. So you've survived Makuta's little purge, but I garantee you won't survive this."
Racing away like a jet, carrying crucial news back to Spirax, Dark Toa Ghoe unleashed a lightning strike of black energy, which collided right with Straughteny's chest.
Not caring about the outcome right now, Ghoe continued on his journey, a quite uneventful one over the tundra, until he reached Spirax's little cave. Occupying it where strange multicolored warriors that could've taken the head of a skadki and eaten it raw. By the time he landed though, it appeared the discussion was almost done.
"The Legion of Death, don't forget that" said a menacing warrior with a bright bare skull for a head, with rows and rows of teeth. He gave Ghoe a look that told him he might very well be his next meal, then disappeared into thin air, as if he'd never been.
"Who where they? And what's this 'Legion of Death'?" Ghoe asks like an overprotective mother.
Ignoring the question completely, Spirax asks with gleaming eyes,"What did you find?"
Ghoe spits out the word like one would a rotten apple peal, "Toa".
Spirax considers this for a moment.
"We must start an attack immediately. We must leave no toa alive. They're too virtuous and could be a fatal mistake".
Ghoe smiles, "They'res something else I want to tell you..."

To Be Continued......

Sep 2, 2011

The Winner is... Isaac!

You voted and it turns out Isaac conqueres the Freeman! Hooray! Long Live the Golden Sun! I mean, the man does have just about no downside.... Agree? Disagree? Tell me!

Aug 26, 2011

When Gameboards Kill: Jumanji

Jumanji. All I remebered before my most recent watching was a killer game board, Robin Williams, and a movie I presumebly thought was going to be a hard watch. Man was I wrong.
The predecessor to Zathura takes place in the 90s, and unfortunately to my new policy of how I handle the divine, I will try not to give away toooo many plot points, but that will not prevent me from giving a good review. The movie's hero is a little boy with the last name of Parish, who I've sworn I've seen before, who runs away from his dad from a fight, digs up the game, and invites an ugly girl to play. The Parish kid gets the unluckiest roll in history and is trapped in the gameboard for about 21ish years.
So eventually just because of this ONE kid's dissapearance, the factory his father owns closes, and the town goes to hell. What is this kid, the child version of Stan Lee?
So after years and years, a new generation has to take their place, summon the Golden Sun, steal a mystical amulet, yadda yadda yadda, and finish the game. But to finish it, they need to get back that ugly girl from before, who has apparently turned into that mother from Cheaper by the Dozen.
So after getting nearly murdered several times, Parish, who has now transformed into Robin Williams is finally summoned back, although despite living off the land inside the game (It makes sense TO ME!) Williams has the intellect of an eleven year old still, kinda like his appearance in Hook.
And guess what he still thinks Mommy and Daddy are still alive. This leads to the most unsaddening letdown when Williams learns the news from... a Hobo in the old factory.
Oh, yeah, and all the while they're being chased by a policeman for no good reason who Parish had ruined in tge past, and who has an ongoing joke of his car getting trashed. You know, it's not really funny when a guy LOSES HIS JOB, FORTUNE, AND CAR, when the audience actually LIKES HIM. That's just cruel.
So after a bunch of other things I don't want to get too much into, like a psychotic hunter from the early 1900s, and many other murder attempts, they all come home to find the house in worser shape than had Charlie Sheen parties there with a bunch of Hagrid look-alikes, and barely survive to see their next turn.
But they do, Robin Williams saves the day (barely), and everything is peachy, Robin is sebt home, along with Mrs. Cheaper by the Dozen, and they even get to keep their memories, probably making a universe-destroying parrallax, but at least they didn't take the cheap way and make everything I just watched bullshit. Yup, no DC comic approach for this one.
This movie, believe it or not, is very enjoyable, and I really enjoyed their parrallox, seeing as they took one step further and let them keep their memories, and even let them prevent mentally-scarring events like the deaths of the two kids' who helped them's parents (and no, this is NOT a Disney Movie). I liked the fact that they bring back characters we thought long dead for once, it almost seems like a treat, something extra, as is this whole theme of restoring and seeing long-ruined things such as the factory, and his dad. Although some stupid weighs it down, ultimately this suspenseful piece of cake didn't make me laugh like The Smurfs, Kickassia, or Pink Panther, but man did it entertain.

Final Score: A-

The Smurfiest Review Ever!

For many of you who don't know who the Smurfs where, they're a cartoon about little blue people made in the eighties. So, how does a movie made 30 years later add up? Let's find out.
Due to the fact that this movie is so... good... I will not reveal too many plot points, as I will do from now on for the divine. Now who makes this movie so good? Gargamel, that's who.
Now, upon first viewing of the trailers to this movie, I singled him out as unfunny and annoying, as I did for the Smurfs, but that's because ONLY THE BAD JOKES MADE IT INTO THE TRAILER. Now, do the Smurfs still have some unfunny jokes? Tons, but at least they forced a chuckle out of me, while some of Gargamel's "jokes" had driven me to tears. For the 1st half of the movie.
Now, what makes Gargamel so hilarious is how he interacts with normal people, like when he mistakes a hobo for a....Nah, I'm not going to ruin it for you. But in the 2nd half, the interaction with normal people goes down, and so did my amusemant.
But that doesn't mean that the 1st half can more than make up for the 2nd's fails, and to be honest, it makes it more than worth the watch, heck it even calmed my rage at the 3rd Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, that have the Chipmunks sing Lady Gaga's Poker Face, which irritates the heck out of me.
The other characters... well there's really just a Mr. Newman wannabe (from Beethoven 1-2), and just an uninteresting pregnant woman that we all forget is pregnant. Hell, we don't even see the baby til the credits! And then it's just there to remind us it exists!
In all, The Smurfs is all about Gargamel, although the Smurfs put in a good try, I feel the heavily-advertised return of the blue midgets now just seems like an excuse to make more merchandise and perhaps another TV show, Gargamel makes it enjotable. See this movie! Sell your phone! Sell your house! Sell your cardboard box! It'll be worth it!

Final Score: A

Aug 25, 2011

But There's No High School In This: High School Musical 2 DVD Crossover Review

Mitch is out of town this week and as such he's asked me, Alex from Cinema Won, to review something special for his blog. And what's more special than High School Musical 2. A lot, but on with the review.

INTRODUCTION: High School Musical 2 is the sequel to the Disney Channel film that taught kids to follow their dreams. The sequel stars Zac Efron, Ashley Tisdale, Vanessa Hudgens, Corbin Bleu and Lucas Grabeel. It follow Troy as he starts to grow apart from his friends while work at a country club during the summer.

THE MOVIE: Really, when it comes to a musical, the most important thing is, of course, the writing. But the music also helps. And thankfully, the best part of the movie is the music. While, yes, most of them are for kids and they all sound alike, they are well sung and fun. The acting is also pretty top-notch for a Disney Channel film. Most of the preformers are having fun, so, logically, you should too.
    But, unfortunately, you're not. Because, like I said eariler, the most important part of any movie is the writing. The dialouge comes off as often forced and just lame, using hip slang that hasn't been in use since the 90s. Also, while the story was fun enough to support a wide variety of conscepts, the one the film eventually chooses is just, well, mean. Troy's friends all start to hate him because he takes a better job then them and starts to look toward college. And the film takes the friends' side! That's right, the guy trying to be well paid and well taught is EVIL! The film justifies this by having Troy do down right despicible things like, actually doing his job and going to play basketball to impress some people from the college. But the most vile and evil thing he does is... HE RETURNS HIS CHEESEBURGER BECAUSE THERE WAS NO CHEESE ON IT!!! HE"S THE NEXT HITLER!!! RUN!!! (Yes, that actually happened.)

THE DVD: The DVD it's self might make up for the feature being lame right? Incorrect, actually. The best extra is the short blooper reel, witch is actually kind of funny. The other extras don't fair better. The big advertised extra was a never-before seen musical number. The number is memorable, however, since it's added into the movie to make it "Extended" it's really should count as an extra.
    The largest extra is a surprising extensive look at the rehursals for the musical number. While they are neat, it's like watching the storyboard on an animated film. It cool for a little while, but, in the end, you're just watching an unfinished version of something you've already seen.
    The extras are rounded out but a kereoke version of the movie AND the ability to watch the musical numbers of the film seperately from the movie. Could we just put the subtitles on and call it a night?

THE VERDICT: Overall, High School Musical 2 has some fun music, a good cast and a nice premise. However, a messy and truely awful message for kids (Don't do something if your friends don't like it) make the film an unfortunate failure. The DVDs extra are also lame, as main are just dressed up stuff taken from the movie. In the end, High School Musical 2 gets a 3 out of 6.

Aug 15, 2011

Phineas And Ferb Movie Review With An Apes Crossover

Okay, so I've seen the Phinas and Ferb Movie, and honstly, I don't have much to say. The Movi is about when the evil Doctor Doofensmirtz makes a machine that can travel across dimnsions, with the help of Phineas and Ferb, where they travel to an alternate Tri-State Area ruled by an Alternate Doctor D., who has an alternate Cyborg Perry the Platipus and has also eradicated Summer and just about everything fun just to be a dick.
When Alternate Doof meets regualar Doof, at first they become friends, in fact they have a whole musical number about it, until Doof learns more about...himself. Turns out the Alternate Doof has conquered the Alternate Tri-State Area with an army of giant robots, something the real Doof failed at seeing as he put the self-destruct button on their feet, riding off a backstory of a lost toy train from childhood. This is really stupid, and even th real Doof admits it, and because of the fact that Alternate Doof finds out real Doof is a total dumbass, tensions grow between them.
Meanwhile, Phineas and Ferb find out that Perry their pet platipus is a secret agent, mostly thanks to Alternate Doofensmirtz. Forced to run due to Alternate Cyborg Perry trying to kill them, they run to the least suspecting place they'll look: They're Alternate house.
So, Phineas and Ferb discover that their alternate selves have never expierienced summer, give a musical number that freaks Alternate Phineas out like he just saw his dad naked, and also learn that not only their Altrnate selves can't do anything, Candas's Alternate Self has to go out and fight to protect them with her...child soldiers (Come on, people, this isn't Gundam 00!).
Which is about when Candas shows up in this alternate Universe, and Alternate Doof decides to conquer the real Tri-State Area without the Real Doof, but he also needs the real Phineas and Ferb to be able to build Doof's device.
So, he kidnaps the boys basically while they try to save the real Perry who he captured, open up a portal arounf real Doof's hom, and tris to conquer the city!
But wait! It turns out Perry had rebuilt all of the boys inventions that he kept...somewhere, maybe in his ass, as the boys, Isabella, Balljeet, and the rest of the cast kick some ass, as the real Doof finds the Train Alternate Doof lost, resolving his backstory and making this whole backstory quit pointless.
But Wait! There's more! Due to the fact that the whole cast now knows Perry is a spy, all of there memories have to be wiped! Making this whole movie a pointless, waste of time!
This is sort of like a punch in the face, seeing that PHINEAS AND FERB ARE LIKE THE ONLY DISNEY CARTOON THAT HAS CONTINUITY these days. I mean what the @#$%? Well, at least it didn't suck.
Phineas and Ferb: the Movie Across the 2nd Dimension is not the terribly safe movie that I expcted, but like any other Phineas and Ferb thing, it is still waaaaay too safe, and still needs to take some risks, further explore and make jokes about common cliches, and maybe even teach kids about stereotypes. The animation is slightly better than the show, and to me is the only thing keeping it from being thatre-worthy. But it was enough to get a video-game (gasp), and that will surely suck.


Now a special Crossover Mini-review from Cinema Won:

Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Rise of The Planet of The Apes was a movie I thought i would go into expecting to have fun and nothing else. However, Apes surprised me with it's great acting and fantastic storytelling. Andy Serkis is truely amazing as the ape Ceaser and I suspect this may be the first time we hear oscar buzz for a motion capture preformance. Any scene with the apes is mesmerizing and wonderful. The human story however, lack the depth the apes story has do to no one but James Franco really get a huge part. The film also tends to drag in the middle. But, in the end, the flaws are small and Rise of The Planet of The Apes is a true shocker, as it's one of the must-see films of the YEAR. Overall it gets a 6 out of 6.

Aug 8, 2011

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 Review

With Deathly Hallows Part 2 out, just to be behind the croud, I will revisit Part 1, mostly because I just bought it on Blu-ray. No, I have not seen Part 2 yet, and most likely won't until the DVD comes out. So, sit back and enjoy this rip on a good movie.
So, comparing this movie to the rest of the series (up to Half-Blood Prince), I got to say this one is the most un-Harry Potterlike. That is due to the fact that you barely see Hogwarts and most of the movie takes place in the woods. The only locations that they spend a legitamate amount of time at that we've seen are the Dursely's house on Privet Drive, the Burrow, and the Ministery of Magic. And the fact that key characters like Nevel Longbottom, Minerva McGonagall, and all the Hogwarts teachers save for Snape and Hagrid, are gone. Well, they're not dead, but you don't see them.
So, the movie starts with Ron and Hermione leaving home to go help Harry escape Privet Drive, and Hermione wipes her parents' memories of her and... walks right in the middle of the road. Hm, what if a chance car just suddenly came by and HIT HER? Come on, the sidewalk isn't that scary.
So Harry's friends all come together to drink some polyjuice potion and turn into him to sevre as Dopplegangers. In the process, Harry gets to see himself naked like 15 times over. Creepy.
So, despite Voldemort himself chasing Harry due to the fact that Hedwig was trying to protect him and gave him away, Harry escapes. Wait a minute, Hedwig was trying to HELP Harry, but ended up putting a target on him, but then used herself as a shield to protect Harry. Wouldn't it be more efficient to do NOTHING? That way you wouldn't give him away and you WOULD STILL BE ALIVE. Anyways, on a lighter note, Mad Eye dies.
So, they bring him back to the Burrow, have a wedding, and learns the new minister, Rufus Scrimgeone or something like that, is killed. Oh no, a character we have seen for a total of two minutes has died. I know I'm supposed to care, but they failed to put him in the last movie, Half-Blood Prince, when he was SUPPOSED to make his appearence, so really right now I don't give a shit.
Harry, Hermione, and Ron apparate in the middle of the road, AGAIN, WHAT'S HERMIONE'S PROBLEM WITH THE SIDEWALKS! I mean come on, I know there's a chance that you could apparate into a person, but wouldn't that be better than materalizing inside a SPEEDING VEHICLE?
So, they run to the Black's house, sleep, find Creature, find the wherabouts of the real locket-Horcruxe, and leave. It's in the minitery. And we find out who Voldemort appointed minister.
Now, here's a real big stupid flaw Voldemort made. Instead of becoming minister himself, he appointed a thugee, apparently he has more important stuff to do like murdering school children and ripping off the mattress labels. If he had just appointed himself minister, HE WOULD HAVE DETECTED HARRYwith his scar-connection thingy, SENSED HIS HORCRUXE in Dalore's office, and oh, PROBABLY HAVE KILLED HARRY POTTER. Dumbass.
So needless to say, they get the Horcruxe and apparate into some random woods, but Ron gets splinched, and needs to be healed. The next weeks include the exciting adbentures of Ron depressingly listening to a radio, Ron leaving because he's a wimp, and Harry and Hermione going to visit Xenophilius Lovegood, where Death Eaters detroy his house for no reason and try to kill them. Harry and Hermione escape, and they eventuallt meet up with Ron, find the sword of Gryfindor, and get captured by Bellatrix's thugees and are brought back to her mansion, where the Lovegoods are conveniately captured.
So while Bellatrix is interrogating Hermione in a very...unusual girl on girl way...let's just leave it on that, Dobby comes out of nowhere and saves everyone!
But, Dobby dies. I know this is supposed to be the real sad part of the movie, like Dumbledore's death in Prince, but there was a whole speech where Dobby was declaring he was there to help his friends and crap, but the truth is HE JUST GAVE BELLATRIX TIME TO KILL HIM. Seriously, if he JUST SHUT UP AND GOT OUTTA THERE, HE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE. Idiot.
So, the movie ends with Voldemort stealing the Elder Wand from Dumbledore's dead corpse, and shooting a pointless lightning bolt at the sky, probably foreshadowing how good will win in the end because of him, or something.
Compared to the other Harry Potters, Part 1 just doesn't measure up. I actually had to view this movie in 3 different broken sessions, and once it was due to I fell asleep (not by the movie), but even I can tell this movie is lacking, mostly due to the fact that all the real action happens in Part 2. I know I left out key plot points, like the whole Bathilda Bagshot incident, but really there's not much to say there, except when Ron sees Harry and Hermione in that alleged sex scene, and how angry he was. Come on Ron, are you really that shocked? They're depesed, 18, and alone, so it's really not that much of a surprise.
Still, I can't help but see that this movie also has a lot of key elements that the other films don't, it has just about twice as much action, and for once we get the theme that there really is no one to fall back on, they're eather dead or far away. Also, we actually get to see the characters' inner turmoil, as we can probably all guess that it has been present sice film 4, when Voldemort came back. Before then, the danger was largely absent, but still barely there. Now, it's like the damn glasses on my face. And it seems they are starting to regret teaming up with Harry...


Indiana Jones Review: the Lego Version

So, lately I've been playing a lot of Lego games for my Wii, and most of them are just ripp-offs of Lego Star Wars, that is while the objectives may seem different, the gameplay is just about the same, they have the same feeling, and they have a lot of the same objectives: build something to help you. So, will Indiana Jones follow suite? Surpriaingly no.
Although it is true that Lucasfilm had made both the Star Wars and Indiana Jones series, the Lego gams are hugely different (not saying the movies wheren't). In Star Wars, you basically have to do basic things like flip switches to bet to the next room, or build things to help you. Indiana Jones is far from that. Usually, the game has you doing things like destroying random things to find pieces to things you need to build, much like Lego Harry Potter.
The puzzles are elaborate for a Lego title, and take full-advantage of Indy's whip. However, the puzzles are not without its flawes. Due to the solve-it-yourself attitude the game presents, this may lead players spending hours on end trying to advance to the next room. The puzzles also can be prone to glitches, and if a glitch happens where it's not wanted, well then your screwed. Once I spent 3 hours in a room trying to figure out how to get out, only to find that  the game glitched out and it was impossible to advance.
Other than that, the puzzles are very good, and actually present a challenge. There are multiple chase-scenes, which are massively cool, and they have you actually fighting on the rooftops of the cars. Very fun.
So, l,et's get to the dreaded two player. Like Star Wars and Batman, you are limited to where player 2 is. A lot of times, this leads to the game becoming near-impossible to play, with terrible views, and sometimes make it so that you fall endlessly. This almost always lead the player to one question: "What where they thinking?" I mean how could that piece of shit one screan mode possibly contribute in making the game better? Hell, you have to be experts on this game to play in two player.
So, now I usually would get on about the bonus levels, ya know what? I can't reach 'em! You have to get evry feakin minikit, uhum, treasure, to go to the bonus levels! There's no two-player arcade like in Lego Star Wars, no extra levels where you can use the vehicles 24/7, and no will to continue. Who thought of this!!! WHY would you have that AS A REQUIREMENT????
At least they have a feature that let's you buy the treasure pieces, even though they're in Indy's college and if they had the treasures then that would make the whole treasure-hunting thing he does meaningless. By the way. I haven't seen the movies. But still, there should be a CHEAT CODE to let you CHEAT like that, bot a feature that just lets you be lazy.
Overall, this has got to be the hardest Lego game I have ever played. Is it the best? No, not really. Is it entertaining? Hell yeah. Is it fun? Oh yeah. Seeing that this is a movie game, though, I have a feeling that there aren't that many other good IJ games, so BUY this. It will occupy you for like a week, unless you're hardcore.


Aug 5, 2011

NBA Live 09 All Play: Wii Review

So, I just got an EA sports game for my Wii at a tag sale for about $5. Gues which sport? Come on, it says NBA in its title. Yes, it's the Nonexistant Bouncing Alchemy league. Ir's basketball.
So, seeing that this is a 3rd-party Wii game, get on your helmets, run to your bomb shelters, and pray dear god Chuck Norris doesn't find you, we're about to dive into NBA Live 09 (sorta rhymes if you say o' nine).

Seeing that this is a sports game after all, it's only fair that this game be repetitive as heck. I can't go 3 games in the same day without shooting myself. And I love basketball, so this game is suppose to appeal to me. This is going to hurt.
So basically there's three modes: Play Now!, which has you play pre-loaded teams with up-to-date rosters from 2008, some custom game options, and of course the actual NBA Live mode, which requires wi-fi. I like the custom options because it gives you cool options like being able to pick your own team, decide who will stay and go, and of course play throught the whole season with that team. What I don't like is that you have to control multiple characters and switch out, so when an opposing player is charging the basket, and you need to switch to a closer player, you have to be right on top of your game, or he'll run right by you.
Also, there is a 2-on-2 mode, and multiple special NBA events that you can play through like the All-Star game and the Rookie Challenge, as well as an option to play right through the playoffs, which should be merged with the regular season option, or at least added there as well, but it seems laziness got the best of the people at EA sports.
Also, the controls are weird. To shoot, you have to flick the Wii remote up and down. When dunking you have to press B. To pass you press A. To steal a ball, you flick the remote sideways. This can get really confusing, especially when you're trying to dunk, and you have like 2 seconds before you're blocked, and by instincts I press A and pass the ball right to the other team! Why couldn't it have been the other way around? Also, when I'm trying to steal a ball and I get it, most of the time you get this weird view so when you try to get the ball,, you don't know where the @#$% the ball went, aand you end up shooting it from half-court, which always misses.
Now let's bring up another issue, the actual skills of the players. Upon playing this game, I am certaint that the people at EA sports watched a total of 1 NBA game and just basically copied it. Now tell me, I have Dwight Howard, Elton Brand, Derek Rose, and Andrew Bogut, and HOW IS HOWARD MISSING SHOTS I COULD"VE MADE??!! Seriously, he was missing shots at like 2 feet to the basket,and nobody was blocking him or ANYTHING!!! It's not like it's my fault, either, there's really no way to aim you just flick up and down and the ball goes in the basket when it feels like it.
One thing I like about it, though , is that it let's you actually control how long each game will be. I found out that 4 minutes per quarter is a good amount, it feels almost as long as a real NBA game without all the boring distractions like the Half-time Show.
Ok, let's wrap this up. The graphics are nice for the Wii, but I would like to actually be able to read their names on their Jerseys, y'know, just in case LeBron happens to be right next to me.Overall, the gameplay is fun and enjoyable, if you only play it for an hour per day and remember that if youn lose it eans nothing at all, seriously you can skip right to the playoffs. I heard dtuff about WNBA players being in this game, and I ahve yet to unlock them, but I doubt even if I did that it would change my mind about this game. It's not bad, but it's not good, it's just okay. If you're getting a sports game, you should get an updated version of this game, not this ancient relic from 2008. Don't pay full price for this, but if you find it on eBay or a tag sale for like $5, then it will be worth your money.

Final Score: C+

Aug 2, 2011

Will Smith's un-Oscar appearance as Oscar: Shark Tale.

This movie is pretty amazing. This movie has Will Smith meeting up with Jack Black and Angelina Jolie, and just in case anything goes wrong this movie has 3 directors and producers. And somehow they made this movie suck.
Shark Tale was Dreamworks response to Pixar's "Finding Nemo" in an attempt to duplicate Nemo's succes about two years after Nemo's popularity was starting to wane, that is, nobody was buying its DVD like crazy and watching it 20 tmes snymore (well, at least I did), and if any time this was the best to make an underwsater film and make it not look like a bland rip-off of Nemo. And it worked. For years I was unaware that this was just Nemo with a bad Dreamworks touch, until I started to lay down the respective Pixar and Dreamworks movies. They're very similiar, and here's how:
1. Both involve a son leaving home and changing their identity (Nemo and Lenny)
2. Both involve a father messing up their child's life (Marlin and Lenny's dad)
3. Both involve a lost family member (Coral and Oscar's Mom)
4. Both have the fish live in a reef
5. Both involve siblings getting killed (Nemo's unborn brothers and sisters and Franky)
So there's the similarities, so let's dive into this mountain of pig shit.
The movie is about Oscar, voiced by Will Smith, who is a fish who works at the local Whale Wash who dreams of becoming rich. Meanwhile, two sons of the local crime boss, I mean the leader of the sharks, Franky and Lenny, are being umipressive and are ripping off the Jaws theme song. Franky is a stone-cold killer, but Lenny, voiced by Jack Black, is not and is kind of retarded. This draws the attention of Mr. Sikes, a blowfish who is in charge of the whale wash, and ends up insulting their father, Mr. Godfatherimperonater. I know, he has a name, but really that is just what he screams, so I will give Paul De Niro the courtesy of not mentioning the character's true name and the fact that he voiced it. Oh, waut...
So, unpleased, Mr. Godfatherimpersonater demands that he pays him a huge amount of money or he'll, do stuff to his Whale Wash. Owing Sikes a bunch of money, Sikes demands that Oscar pay up or he'll feed him to the sharks. But fear not! Angie, Oscar's best friend is ready to help him out by giving him a pearl.
And once he gets the money, you know what the dipshit does? He blows it all on Seahorse racing! At least he met Angelina Jolie's charcter, Lola, the seductress of the movie.
So he loses, get left for the sharks, and Lenny saves him, but Franky gats killed by a random anchor. Again, being the dipshit that he is, Oscar takes credit for the Shark killing, and becomes a hero, and despite having been left for dead by Sikes, lets the blowfish be his manager.
But, waut. Wouldn't Mr. Godfatherimpersonater be angry if you killed his son? Apparently Oscar didn';t know that, as apparently he has to go in cahoots with Lenny last minute to fake Lenny's death to scare off the sharks. Lenny then spray-paints himself to look like a dolphins.
So all is well, until Oscar falls for Lola ans Angie gets pissed, then Oscar dumps Lola and Angie gets captured. Oscar then goes up to Mr. Godfatherimpersonater's sunken ship with Lenny and Sikes, almost gets eaten, but manages to free Lenny.
Mr. Godfatherimpersonater then chases Oscar to the Whale Wash where Oscar trapps him and Lenny so they could have a very untouching talk to work this out. Oscar finally explains how he lied, and whoop-dee-do gets a partnership with Mr. Sikes.
This movie sucks. The jokes are stale, half the time it's just Will Smith trying to sing along to popular pop-culture songs and embarassing himself while doing it, and they fail to take full advantage of Will Smith and Jack Black. Really, In my opinion they should have made Jack Black the main character, but I suppose that Will Smith could've been perfectly funny had they gave him any good lines.

Final Score: C

Aug 1, 2011

The Bounciest Review Ever: Kung Fu Panda

As many of you reviewers out there might be just wrapping up Kung Fu Panda 2, instead of trailing behind the croud and reviewing the sequel, I decided to review the original because 1. I did not see that movie and 2. I own the original, so back off!
I first heard of the movie in a series of commercials that aired on Disney Channel probably around 2007 for the music video of the "Kung Fu Fighting" song that was featured in the movie. It was pretty shitty, and I liked the song, but I had my doubts. Then I found out Jack Black, the god from Tenacious D, School of Rock, and even King Kong was in it. Despite this, I still had my doubts. Then I saw that Dreamworks made this. Didn't help too much.
Although Dreamworks was coming off of "Shrek the Third", which I really liked, I was still haunted by the shit armaggeddon that was "Flushed Away", which featured one good joke and disgusting nature didn't even appeal to kids. Dreamworks wasn't in that good shape.
Well, two years later, I actually watched the movie, and it is as awesome as hell. It follows a fat Panda named Po that through a series of accidents, ends up being thrust into the role of "Dragon Warrior" to defend their village of [put village name here]. Seriously, we NEVER were told of where this was taking place other than it was someplace in China. Whatever
But all is not well. The karate Turtle named Ugway, not at all familiar to some particular pizza-eating mutants, senses that Masters Shefu's old student Tai-Long is about to escape from his prison, and eventually does. Ugway dies before the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles could sue his ass, so now it's Shefu's duty to turn Po into the Dragon Warrior.
Through many funny Jack Black moments and the power of food, Shefu succeeds, but not before the Furious Five, his other students, get their asses handed to them by Tai-Long. Now it will be the final showdown between Shefu and Tai-Long, the master VS. the student, Obi-Wan Kenobi Vs Anakin Skywalker, Mr. Miyagi get it.
Well it turns out Shefu too gets his ass handed to him, so now Po has to stop Tai-Long or he' stuff. Huh, strange. Tai-Long doesn't even seem all that evil, I mean if he gets a lot of power, so what? He doesn't seem all that stupid, so what's the threat? The only indication he was evil was that he wanted the Dragon Scroll and the unlimited power, but there really was no indication that he'll use those powers for evil. Huh, weird.
So the final final battle begins, and Po ends up beating Tai-Lomg by basically smacking him with his belly for about three minutes. Seriously, half of his attacks involve Jack Black using his extremely bouncy belly as a weapon. Okay, so technically it's Po's belly, but I just wanted to say that.
So Tai-Long is gone, movie over. How did it hold up? Pretty damn well for a comedy. I could rant about historical innacuracies and all that shit, but the movie basically does away with any accuracies whatsoever by having every charater being a talking animal. The jokes? About 75% of them bear a chuckle from me, and if you're younger and this is your first time seeing this, that'll go up.
Now one last thing: This movie has an awesome supporting cast, but they don't use them. They got freaking Angelina Jolie and Jackie Chan, and Jolie probably has 30-40 lines total, and Chan probably only says 15. Could've used a little more of the Futious Five.
This movie is great, and was a gem for Dreamworks when Dreamworks really needed a gem. They did the smart thing and relied on the old Jack Black formula, that is if you put a movie in Jack Black's hands, most of the time it will be freakin awesome. Although not on the level of Toy Story 3, and not as deep as any of the Pixar movies, Kung Fu Panda brings some much-needed comedy to Computer Animation. This is a good movie to put on your resume, Chan.

Final Score: B+

Jul 30, 2011

Bionicle Story Part 3

Faster than a train, the Toa Eshtann bound to meet their new visiter. He was a tall, muscular figure, with a silver mask that vaguely resemblesd the Kanohi Ignika, the mask of Life. The silver, black and white figure carried a huge reaper that could open and close like a jaw, and had a small sword blade attached to his arm. And he didn't look happy.
"You," the figure boomed in a grating voice as he pointed at Toa Straughteny. "I wish to speak with you."
Reserved, Straughteny's gaze flited to each of his three Eshtann. "Whatever you wish to say, my Toa can hear as well."
"As I do recall, I believe there are instances where all should be protected from their own knowledge," the figure spoke.
Not convinced, Straughteny scrutinized the figure more closley, only to have a brief expression of shock, amazement, and dread cross his face. "Who are you?"
"That s not important right now. What is important is I tell you this message, privately. But if you fail to cooperate unless you know so, many call me Ceirallen these days."
Finally, Mesarou broke the silence of the other three Eshtann, "But how do we know this is not an attack? Or an assination attempt? For all we know you could be an angry rahkshi-lover who wants to kill the first Eshtann."
Ceirallen smiles, "Oh, you don't know how very false that statement is." With that, he thrusts his hand with the sword, and a stream, of energized protodermis rushes at Mesarou like a sideways waterfall, only to stop inches away from his face. "If I wanted to kill him, you, and this village, I would've just endlessly flood this village with protodermis. Now come, Straughteny, we have much to discuss."
Reluctantly, Straughteny follows Ceirallen to beyond the stone/earth wall that he and Senevtry had just finished constructing. When they where a good distance away, Ceirallen started to speak.
"You are in grave danger. You and all of this village must prepare for this onslaught."
"How do you know of this? And what exactly is trying to kill us?"
"That you are forbidden to know."
Ceirallen looks to the left and then the right, "I can't explain the details, but it would only increase his power should you get captured and the infoormation slip from your grasp."
"Well, then what should I do? How should I prepare?"
Ceirallen looks dead on at Straughteny, "Gather light, Have this village be strewn with as much light as possible. And don't go outside these walls."
"Is that all? That should be easy seeing that Mesarou and his flaming shield are a light show in itself. If you don't mind, I'll like to get started," with that, Straughteny turned around and began walking towards the village.
"Wait, there's one more thing. Your past may home back to haunt you again, and this time it may be deadly."
"What di you mean?" Turning around, Straughteny was barely in time to witness a bright flash in the air, and Ceirallen was gone.

To Be Continued...