Jul 30, 2011

Bionicle Story Part 3

Faster than a train, the Toa Eshtann bound to meet their new visiter. He was a tall, muscular figure, with a silver mask that vaguely resemblesd the Kanohi Ignika, the mask of Life. The silver, black and white figure carried a huge reaper that could open and close like a jaw, and had a small sword blade attached to his arm. And he didn't look happy.
"You," the figure boomed in a grating voice as he pointed at Toa Straughteny. "I wish to speak with you."
Reserved, Straughteny's gaze flited to each of his three Eshtann. "Whatever you wish to say, my Toa can hear as well."
"As I do recall, I believe there are instances where all should be protected from their own knowledge," the figure spoke.
Not convinced, Straughteny scrutinized the figure more closley, only to have a brief expression of shock, amazement, and dread cross his face. "Who are you?"
"That s not important right now. What is important is I tell you this message, privately. But if you fail to cooperate unless you know so, many call me Ceirallen these days."
Finally, Mesarou broke the silence of the other three Eshtann, "But how do we know this is not an attack? Or an assination attempt? For all we know you could be an angry rahkshi-lover who wants to kill the first Eshtann."
Ceirallen smiles, "Oh, you don't know how very false that statement is." With that, he thrusts his hand with the sword, and a stream, of energized protodermis rushes at Mesarou like a sideways waterfall, only to stop inches away from his face. "If I wanted to kill him, you, and this village, I would've just endlessly flood this village with protodermis. Now come, Straughteny, we have much to discuss."
Reluctantly, Straughteny follows Ceirallen to beyond the stone/earth wall that he and Senevtry had just finished constructing. When they where a good distance away, Ceirallen started to speak.
"You are in grave danger. You and all of this village must prepare for this onslaught."
"How do you know of this? And what exactly is trying to kill us?"
"That you are forbidden to know."
Ceirallen looks to the left and then the right, "I can't explain the details, but it would only increase his power should you get captured and the infoormation slip from your grasp."
"Well, then what should I do? How should I prepare?"
Ceirallen looks dead on at Straughteny, "Gather light, Have this village be strewn with as much light as possible. And don't go outside these walls."
"Is that all? That should be easy seeing that Mesarou and his flaming shield are a light show in itself. If you don't mind, I'll like to get started," with that, Straughteny turned around and began walking towards the village.
"Wait, there's one more thing. Your past may home back to haunt you again, and this time it may be deadly."
"What di you mean?" Turning around, Straughteny was barely in time to witness a bright flash in the air, and Ceirallen was gone.

To Be Continued...

Jul 28, 2011

Scooby Doo! Abracadabra Doo Review

Before I begin I would like to adress the wide inconsisitouncies of the Chapmania Weekly series. I would like to tell you that I only post under that series when they'res genuine Nintendo news that is worthy for your ears, or eyes. The week count on the titles simply tells you how many weeks there was something worth to say.
Ok, so now lets get to Scooby Doo. At the time, the Scooby franchise was coming off of their worst aniated movie, Scooby Doo and the Goblin King, which is absolutely painful to watch with company, and also a decent live-action, Scooby Doo The Mystery Begins! What do the animators do? They go in overdrive, improving the animation tenfold, get rid of all the nonsense that was just embarrassing to watch in Goblin King, and actually make the story interesting instead of just stupid this time by making the danger real.
So, the story begins as Scooby and the gang are driving to Velma's sister Madeline's school where she studies magic tricks. But, big woop, a griffin starts terrorizing the school and the school's owner, Merlin the Great (just go with it), almost has to close it down and sell it. We find out later some tycoon who owns soe vegetable-flavored ice cream corporation wants the castle, yes it's a school of magic in a castle, to get to the caretaker, Ms. Ridiculousname. I'm not saying her name, so let's just move on.
So, the gang decides to snoop around, almost gets killed multiple times, and Shaggy falls in love with Madeline, which is weird because he once dated her sister Velma on the ystery Incorporated series that still runs on Cartoon Network. Oh, and we get to see Daphne in tights.
So big woop-de-do, they ned to find a mystical spear to conquer the Griffin, and Madeline is captured by the griffin in the process. Shaggy tries to use the spear, but it doesn't work because, oh my god! The griffin is fake! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
But, the vegetable-ice cream man finally gets Merlin to sign the contract that would give him the castle, but the gang convinces him to give them like 20 inutes. So, Shaggy goes up to the tower Madeline is held in in full-Knight Armor, and manages to down the Griffin with...the spear.
Turns out it managed to pierce the floating hot air-ballon that kept the Griifin afloat that was concealed in a cloud that we never saw, to send the Griffin plunging to his doom. And who was it? Merlin's nerdy brother Marlin, of course. You know what? Marlin taught us all a very valuable lesson in this movie: If you try to kill somebody multiple times, all you have to do is cry. Seriously, he just cried at the end, and everybody was all cool that he ade a deonic animatronic griffin that tried to kill them. How's that for a lesson, kids?
Despite having some huge plotholes and using tricks that have been used a million times over, the animation is good and it's just a good relief after Goblin King. And we get to see Daphne in tights, which made me forget about Goblin King altogether for about two minutes. It's not an enjoyable movie like Treasure Island and its spin-offs and re-makes, but its not completely terrible. If you've seen Goblin King, see it, if not, stick to the live-action.

Final Score: B

Jul 24, 2011

Return of the Book Reviews: Magic: The Gathering Books

Okay, so I was supposed to cover comic con on a crossovery kind of thing on Cinema Won, but seeing that I did not hear the password right and seeing that Alex has yet to E-mail ne the password and username, I'm locked out. But that doesn't mean I'm just going to do nothing. No, instead I'm going to review books that no normal person dare pick up, books that turn boring norms into scrawny nerds, books that I just so happen to own.
Magic: The Gathering is a popular trading card game, that is still around today and started in 1993 by Wizards of the Coast, a company that once made Pokemon cards. It wasn't long before someone had an idea to make books from this game and give it a storyline, much like Yu-Gi-Oh! after it, but have the card game nothing to do with it, like Pokemon. What would follow is one of my favorite book series spanning about 60 books that still continues even today.
The Thran
The first book in the Invasion cycle, it is set up as a prequel to the next book, taking place in the floating city of Halcyon. When the cuty's version of Leonardo da Vinci, Glacien, suddenly falls ill, and magic only seems to make things worse, they hire Yawgmoth, a descraced early doctor who believes he can cure him, but ends up ruling another world and destroying the city of Halcyon altogether. This is what hooked me to the Magic series, and with glimpses of the Phrexian-Thran War between sections in the book, this book is full of action, horror, and filled with ckever luterary devices that really do work. Combine that with the whole awesome Magic world of Dominaria, give the characters a brief access to the other worlds, and make the bad guy seem just as sane and good as the good guys, and you got one killer of a novel.
However, there's one thing: there are parts where this book can make you physically uncomfortable. With Yawgmith's disgusting medieval/civil warish medical practices, at certain places the reader feals alienated. But tthat can be made up for, with the badass Pyhrexians, who don't carry weapons because "they are the weapon" (great line) and have big enough heads to bite an elf's head right off and eat it.

Final Score: A

The Myths of Magic
An enchanting Anthology of short stories from the Magic Universe. There's not much to say than just about every one of these stories you should read and are very clever both in terms of creativity and the plot, save for the "Myth and Many-chinned Magistrate" story, which I didn't like very much at all. Very good Anthology, and I enjoyed it, both the writing styles, the plots, and the characters, not to mention the awesome places it unearthed.

Final Score: A-

Nemisis is the 2nd book in the Masquerade Cycle, and vaguely follows book I's characters. The whole story takes place on an artificial world named Rath, where a member of the Weatherlight ship from the first book, Ertai, is marooned and captured by the Phyrexians that rule there, a clone of the daughter of the leader of the resistence named Belbi must choose the next ruler of Rath, and a warmonger named Crovax seeks to claim that position. The story here is really good, and like all Magic books, it is very actiony, and knows just when to get rid of major characters and involves a shocking transformation to one of the main characters and the return of a ruler...
The story is really good, just like all of the other Magic books, but for some reason it doesn't really stand out and compared to the other books I've read, it just isn't that special. Worth a second read? Yeah, sure. Is it as epic as The Thran? No.

Final Score: B+

The 3rd Book of Maquerade, Prophecy just about has nothing to do with Nemesis. It takes place on Dominaria, where a soldier from the country of Jamuraa gets captured by the totally beast-like Keldons and gets taken to Keld as a slave. Meanwhile, the Plainswalker(who can walk between dimensions) Teferi and the Magician Baron must help defend Jamuraa from the Keldon Invasion. Frought with opression, failure, and the eventual triunph, this book also explores and expands the country of Keld and their brutal and strange practices, and how much of a jerk Latulla, the slaveowner is.
Not worth an extra read, but surely a satisfying novel, it deserves the final score I'm about to give it.

Final Score: B

Boook I of the appropriately named Onslaught Cycle, it follows Kamahl, who had stabbed his sister and caused an unhealing wound with his magic sword-thingy. To save her, she ends up turning into Phage who can make anybody, anything, rot away to nothing with justa touch. Meanwhile the proud couple of Ixidor(cover) and Nivea, are poning everybody in a gladiator-like arena. And it just so happens that Phage is now there, and kills Nivea, but Ixidor lives and almost goes insane, but ends up creating a whole nother world.
This book has a good plot, and really that is all it has going for it. It coukd've read a little better, and cut down on the whole disgusting imagery.

Final Score: B-

Gues what? A Magic Cycle actually has continuety! And you know what? It sucks! Morningtide, 2nd book in the Lorwyn Cycle follows a small party of refuges led by the disgraced elf Rhys fleeing from Guilt-Leaf elves. Meanwhile, a weird fire-pilgrim thingy that I won't even bother remembering the right name of, Ashling needs to find some mystical shit about some sort of spirit.
Okay, I honestly hate the storyline in the eternally daylit world of Lorwyn, I hate the characters(save for Brigid) , I hate how it reads, and I really hate how I have to hate this book. I have got to say this is the worst Magic book I have ever read. It just reads so boring.

Final Score: D

Continuing the shit storm that was Morningtide, the Shadowmoor Anthology builds off of Morningtide's dark climax and introduces a new world of darkness, formerly known as Lorwyn, but now known as Shadowmoor. The stories get edgier, more exciting, and most end badly, er, darkly. And I loved every second of it. Magic is known for not ending all of their books on a happy note, which throws all predictability out the window. Still, just not to depress me, there are some stories that end well, like the "Mistmeadow Jack" story who would make an appearance in Eventide.
It reads moderately, has edgy, unprdictabe stories, and manages to hold my attention where Morningtide did not.

Final Score: B-

Okay, despite the lame cover, this book is the best I've read of the Shadowmoor/Lorwyn Quartet. It follows mostly Brigid, who still has her memory after the horrible changes to the world since the great Aurora came. With her are some faeries from the previous books, who finally gives faeries dignity by joking and killing stuff for  fun. Their mission: destroy and kill the hive-mother of the Fae, Oona.
This book is pretty good, and serves as a good, final climax to the quartet, but fails to compete at the level of Magic's older books. But for entertaining me through giant demon fire monsters, a kickass Brigid, and Pschotic Faeries, it deserves a little bit more.

Final Score: B+

So, what do you think? I mught do this with my horrible Star Wars Novels sometimes. Until then, I'll see you again.

Jul 21, 2011

On Eragon

So, by now the failed Eragon 2003 movie is ancient history, and many people have doubted the Eragon franchise altogether. Compared to series that have big movie franchises like Harry Potter and Twighlight, I've heard people saying things like "It's not as good" or "They suck", and I've even had a handful of people say they want nothing to do with Eragon. Well, I have a wakeup call for you people. The Eragon franchise is just as good if not better than those franchises.
So, first let's recap the movie. It for the most part follows the book, except for a scene here and there (and some I can really see why), but ended on the note of a huge plothole. Not having the next book out yet, Eldest, the producers seemed to think that Eragon's ending was sufficient enough for a movie (sort of llke Harry Potter), so they made their own and ended the Movie with Eragon leaving Farthen Dur with the battle over. There's one huge problem with that, and that problem is that the next book starts with that battle raging on, and the Leader of the Varden (the resistence) getting killed. That was a huge point in the book, and had they made another movie, would be hard to work around.
Now let's get to the actual quality of the Movie.I've heard it been compared to other failed franchises like City of Ember, Inkheart, and the dreaded Spiderwick Chronicles. But there's one problem: Eragon's better than all of those. Now I admit compared to the Lord of The Rings and Chronicles of Narnia Movies, this one falls just short, and I believe it's just a level below most of the Harry Potter movies, but it's not bad. Why this movie failed was because of a huge bidget and not enough ticket sales, making it lose money, but it wasn't bad.
Now let's get to the books.

Final Score: B

Eragon- The first book of the Series, and also the book based off of the movie, this was Christopher Paolini's debut novel that he started writing when he was 15. Being a great book, it soon reached the New York Times Bestsellar  list and solidified Paolini's future in writing. Also arguably the worst book of the series, being modeled after Lord of The Rings, it was a good start but not the best. I consider it Inheritence's Fellowship of the Ring. Also the story bears striking existence to Star Wars, with the Emperor replaced by the King and Darth Vader replaced by a Dragon, sort of, and Luke replaced by Eragon, and Leia replaced by Arya, and the Empire replaced by...the Empire.

Final Score: A

Eldest- The sequel to Eragon, it does everything a sequel should do. It builds of off the previous book's story while making a story all it's own.It improves Eragon and is better than Eragon, and with Eragon's family secrets starting to be revealed and new, vibrant, characters being added, it captures the reader's attention enough to get them through the book and enjoy it, with action at almost every chapter and arial battles that would just look so freaking cool on the big screen.

Final Score: A half +

Brisingr- The third and newest book of Inheritnce, this one is arguably the best book I've ever read. This book is a slice of heaven to read, with the battles hetaing up, Eragon's true family secrets being revealed, and key characters dying that Paolini had developed for literally hundreds of pages that make you actually care about what happens to them, and their deaths you never see coming.Originally supposed to be three books, the Inheritence trilogy was warped into a cycle when Brisingr proved too long because Christopher Paolini didn't want to rush and cram it all in one book, so instead he took his time and decided to write another book.. And man did it pay off. This book had me by the balls, I couldn't put it down no matter what happened; even if lava was erupting in my front lawn, I would have to finish one more passage before I acted. And with the promise of another kickass book that might be even better, This book makes the series better than Lord of The Rings and Harry Potter, that is no matter what, the series got progressively better and you can expect every book and most chapters better than the last. I will give this book my highest honor.

Final Score: A+

By the way, the 4th book is to be released oon Nov. 8th of this year.

Jul 19, 2011

Lego Batman Review

Ok, so this is a little late and by now nobody still cares about Lego Batman, but I promised you this review so here it is:
This game sucks, bye.

Some Time Later..

Oh, fine, I'll actually post an actual legit review, although nobody still cares.
In the summer of 2006, Lego felt a strong need to capitalize off of other franchise's success, which is weird because that is when Bionicle was in its Prime, and more Lego Series where made. Copying Japanese fighting-robots and Gundams was Exo-Force, which actually was pretty damn good and original save for the concept. Copying popular Nickelodeon shows was Lego Spongebob and Lego Avatar: The Last Airbender. And capitalizing off of D.C.'s success was, you guessed it. Lego Robot Kittens (Batman, of course.)
The toy line was most popular in 2006, and barely got noticed in 2007, and by 2008, it was basically over. So, just like Harry Potter would do in 2 years, Lego decided to produce a game to remind people the toy line didn't suck and also to capitalize off of the Dark Knight's success, which I believe came out around the same time.
So let's get to the game. There are 3 main levels, aand no, they don't follow the movies, even though they really should. Why? Because Lego made sets with characters not from the movies like Bane and Killer Croc, so they had to use them in the game somewhere. After those characters where added, they basically decided to put in any other memorable Batman villain, like Killer Moth, The Man-Bat, and the Mad Hatter. Nothing agaist the Mad Hatter, but he was a character made specifically so Bane could kill him off in the comics. And you know what they did? THEY HAD THEM WORKING TOGETHER IN THE SAME EPISODE. Plotholes, or what?
So, basically each episode has three teams of villains, with one leader each. And you know who they picked? The Riddler, The Joker, and The Penguin. Who would let The Riddler lead them? You do know this is a guy who DELIBERATELY leaves clues to stop his plans.
The gameplay is alright, with the two-player bringing it down a bunch by limiting your view to where the second player (robin) is. The game's other problems have to do with sometimes you have no freakin idea what you're sopposed to do, but that is common in many games.
The last point is the story. With all these villains vs. only Batman and Robin, they have to make most of the villains look like idiots. One of my favorite instances is when the Riddler's laser gets reflected off a mirror and hits him and yet he GOES BACK TO THE EXACT SAME SPOT THREE TIMES. For a guy who likes riddles, he;s one stupid guy.
The last item that could save this game is the villain modes. It lets you play the story through the villains' eyes, which I think is massively cool.
This game is ok, nt good, not bad. Worth playing? I would rather play Batman: Arkham Aslyum.
Oh, yeah, and despite making a Nightwing miifigure, he never makes an appearance. Sorry, no men in black and blue tights.

Final Score: C+

Jul 18, 2011

Bionicle Story Part 2

On a hot, clammy summer day on the South Pole, most creatures where either searching for unfrozen water or vegetating inside their lairs to try to escape the heat. Four caravans aproached from the North. The creatures in these vehicles wheren't doing any of that. They where freezing their metallic butts off.
At the Center of a huge clearing, the caravans stopped, and from each a tall, metallic figure arose from within, one black and gold, one brown and yellow, one red, and one green. They where Toa.
Matoran of assorted colors started to pour out from the caravans like a tide of the flood, carrying various pieces of equipment and starting to hastily set up buildings on the barren, white ground.
Quickly, redclad matoran set up a great pit in the center of camp, and the redclad Toa, a toa of fire named Mesarou, lit a great blaze. The other three followed their leader, an od Toa of Earth named Toa Straughteny to the outskirts of the camp and began constructing a wall with the brown toa named Senevtry to encircle the camp.
"Brrrr," blurted the green toa named Teku, "Am I ever-ready to give the Nuva a piece of my mind for sending US here. Why couldn't they quick-send a team of Ice Toa instead of us?'
"Because," Senevtry replied, "The Toa Eshtann have gotten a reputation seeing that our team is just about the only one to never to have lost a brother."
"But still, I am frozen-cold in this boring waste of a world."
"Hey," Straughteny's broken, aged voice rasped, "We all know how important our presece is here. We have no other defenses here, and it would be ripe for anyone to coquer. Namely..."
"The Dark Huters?" inquires a small onu-matoran by the name of Falix, who was listenening in on their conversation.
"You have to learn not to eavesdrop," Senevtry lets the wall he was working on crash down for a brief second. "You might just have yourself end up dead," with a flick of his wrist, some of the rubble flies at Falix, only to vear off in the last second to crash into a newly-constructed building.
"Senevtry!" Straughteny scolds, "That building will probably take another three hours to repair! Good thing you're going to be doing it yourslf."
"The lesson was worth it", Senevtry replies, and almost runns into Falix on his way.
"He's been with me thousands of years, and still, he never learns", he rubbs the top of his mask in contemplation. "As for those rumors you heard, we have no physical proof that the Dark Hunters are still alive. We're almost certain that The Shadowed One is dead,"
"Yeah, all Teridax would have to do is think about him and it's bye bye Shadowed One", Falix infers.
"And he could do the same for any other member. Teridax got to know many Dark Hunters in his time when they where allied with the brotherhood, and Teridax had a relatively long-memory", Straughteny says.
"Did you ever meet Teridax?" Falix asks.
"Why would he ever meet that dead shadow-lover?", Teku asks sardonicly.
Ignoring Teku, Straughteny finishes the wall of earth he was molding, and turns his dark-masked head in Falix's direction, "Never. But I have met Makuta that could've been worse, had they lived long enoug."
"Who--?" Falix's questions gets cut off just as Mesarou bursts into the little gathering
"Strager...in camp...wants to talk to you...has a huge scythe..." Mesarou pants.
"Get Srnevtry, we will adress our visiter together."
Silently in Straughteny's mind, or we will die together...

To Be Continued...

Jul 14, 2011

Lego Harry Potter: Years 1-4 Review

Ok, so in light of the fact that I just got Lego Batman, while I'm playing it I will get out my review of my last Lego Game, Harry Potter that is. This couldn't have been written at a better time, with the 8th and last film premiering in the U.S. tonight and alreadu grossing over $30 million dollars before it even opened.
Lego had had a successful line of Harry Potter sets long before 2010. The sets launched around 2001 when the first Potter was released, and seemed to peak around 2002 in poularity, but then it seemed to resurge in 2007 with the release of Order of the Phoenix, only to fall off the radar again with the Half-Blood Prince's release, probably due to the fact that Prince is not a kiddy movie. Between Prince and Hallows Part 1, Harry's poularity began to grow again with the fact the beloved franchise was coming to an end, and Warner decided to work with Travelers Tales to slap the Lego License on a Harry Potter game and try to replicate their success with Leo Batman. Did it work? Let's find out.
The game, foremost, is an adaptation, and those almost never go well. Lego seems like the only company to dodge the magic bullet, but no one can dodge that forever. Adaptations are always forced to rely on other sources of media, which is where the problem lies. At this point in the world, just about everyone has already seen movies 1-4, so the story would be nothing new, so why even play it?
Because Lego can make it funny, or at least amusing. Does this game keep up with this pace? Most of the Time.
That, and the whole no-dying thing, and the vehicle clause.
The vehicle claus is the fact you can make your own vehicles and go wild with them. Is there a level where you can do this? One.
In Lego: Star Wars The Complete Saga, much to my delight, there where two levels like this; Lego City and New Town. In HP, there's only one, and the other bonus levels are ruddy obstacle courses. The one level is massively fun, though, with glitches that let you ram a motorcycle 40 ft. in the air with the nightbus.
Gameplay is Ok. It's not the same level of fun as Lego Star Wars or Batman, but it's ok because its Lego.
The Graphics? Remember what I said about adapations? No one can dodge it forever. The graphics just highlight how dirty and unsafe hogwarts really is. Seriously, just look at it and ask yourself. Would I Go There? Then look at the movies and ask the same question and you'll know what I mean.
Then there's the two-player. Like all Lego Games, this brings it down a notch due to bad views with the split-screen, but al least you're not resricted anymore to where the other player is.
And there's the final item about adaptations: they have to change something. With this, they warp the story ever so slightly to keep a consistent two-player option. This can get ridiculous (like Hermione fighting the Hungarian Horntail), but it doesn't screw up the story too much.
Leoo Harry Potter is an Ok game, but it's easily the worst Lego game I've played (I have not played Lego Rockband). It gets reviews of B-, and I completely agree with it. Hey, what do you expect froma company that thrives odd of other people's success, just saying (Bionicle doesn't count, that actually is Lego-owned).

Final Score: B-

Jul 12, 2011

The Fairly Odd Movie Review

Okay, so you might know that pon seeing the trailer for this movie, I was.... not happy. My expectations for this movie where pretty low, like rock-bottom low. Did my expectations come true? We'll find out.
So we all know Drake Bell plays Timmy Turner and Danielle Monet plays Tootie, so let's just skip that little rant about the casting that I had and let's skip to the story. Timmy is 23 and still in 5th grade. Tootie had moved away long ago, but has now came back to save a precious tree, the "Dimmsdale Dagwood" that appaantely is very important but has never been mentioned in the show. Who is threatening this tree? A big business baby called Mr. Magnate. He plans to tear down the tree and make an oil-mining hotel or something, something that would have been really cool to see, but they never put in the movie.
So Tootie come in, helps save the tree for a day with the help of Timmy's fairies, and he doesn't try to tear it down again. Oh, yeah, and they use BULLDOZERS TO TRY TO TEAR DOWN THE TREE. What happened to chainsaws? Well, turns out chainsaws was plan B.
So, Timmy is impressed and realizes the one thing that just about nobody in the world has figured out: Danielle Monet is hot. Seriously, on her show, Victorious, they make her seem like an unnattractive, desperste older sibling, when in fact she's not. So needless to say, Timmy falls in love with her, and Cosmo and Wanda need to stop them because Da Rules say that if he falls in love he has to give up his fairies, even though is you actually watched the show, you would know he's been in love with that Tang girl and that would mean he shouldn't have fairis now.
Meanwhile, Mr. Magnate teams up with Mr. Crocker. Oh, yeah, one other thing. THEY ACTUALLY USE THE SAME VOICES FROM THE CARTOON. I really like this, because some characters it really works for them. I swear it ade Timmy's dad 10X as funny. Oh yeah,, and THEY ACTUALLY CASTED ACTORS THAT LOOK LIKE THE CHARACTES.
So, Crocker steals his fairies, Magnate betrays Crocker, and eventually Timmy is forced to choose between Tootie.
He saves both, by kissing Tootie and finally growing up.
But wait,there's a Timmy Clause that if he saves the world or some othe shit, he gets to keep his fairies if he only wishes for other people. Oh yeah. and he and Tootie get married.
This was actually ok. I admit, having actual actors act this out was a waste, seeing that this is only an hour long. Not bad, but they should've done it with animation. Oh, and right after that, there was a commercial for new Fairly Odd Parents. The series isn't dead.


Jul 9, 2011

Cars 2 Stumped Review

Okay, so I saw Cars 2, and despite the fact that Cinema Won already reviewed this movie, I will share my thoughts on the film. I won't delve too much into the story, for you spoiler-wary viewers, so here it is.
McQeen and Mater are going around the world so McQeen can compete in the World Grand Prix, and Mater runs into spies that want to kill them. That's it in a nutshell. Now, many of you might be wondering how spies got into the very nostalgic-like radiator springs story, you got me. In fact, I don't even see why Cars needed a sequel at all.
I've heard many other critics characterize the sequel as "forced" and "unneccessary", and I completely see their points. Cars did not need a sequel, or at least not a sequel like this. In truth, I think it would've been better if they done away with this spy crap and focused more on the racing, but that's just my opinion.
Don't get me wrong, I think Pixar did the spies the best they could, but it really didn't belong in a Cars sequel. When I first started watching and cars where dying, that was a punch in the face.
When I see a Pixar film, I somehow expect the movie to be strongly based off of the story, but Cars 2 just seemed to be based off of action. If you think about the story too much, you will realize that the ending is just stupid. This just seemed to be made to show off Pixar's considerable skills in animation.
And that is what saved this movie. Big, flashy movies can pass with kids, but not so much with people my age. Honestly, I could've done with a film very much like the first one, but kids like this sort of stuff, which reminds me of things very much like Ben10, that is everything they did was done better by somebody else.
At least this movie shows some effort. They actaully try to show the villain has a legit chance of winning, not like other shows for kids that age (aka Phineas and Ferb. Spongebob, the list goes on). Finally, some of the lines may have saved, and doomed, this movie. For example, when Luigi said "Pit Stop" after beating a baddy, that just screamed "Kickass", while when McQeen overused the "You are the Bomb" joke, that was just embrassing.

Final Score: B

By the way, the Bionicle Story should be ready in a couple days, I just need to find it. :D

Jul 7, 2011

The Karate Kid Part III Angered Review

Who likes the Karate Kid? I loved the original, and the remake is good, and the Karate Kid Part II was OK, so going into Part III, I had a lot of hope for this movie. Now what happened to this hope, you might ask? Let's just say it was quite effectively wripped to shreds in the firt four minutes.
So, before I get to the story, for those of you who didn't notice th spoiler alerts to the right of this, here's a heads up, THIS REVIEW HAS SPOILERS! If you do not wish to see the spoilers, flip to the FINAL SCORE located at the bottom of this blog.
This movie takes place right after the second, with Mr. Miyagi and his student returning from Okinawa. The main character, who I will not mention in anything assossiated with this movie out of respect so I'll call him The Karate Kid, is supposed to go to college. But that all changes when Mr. Miyagi reveals that his dream is to open a Bonzai Tree shop. The Karate Kid, being the generous guy that he is, gives up his college money to buy the shop. Nice message, drop out of college to buy a shop is the way to go! Why? The Karate Kid did it, so that must mean its ok.
But all is not well. The villain from the 1st movie is getting help from an old friend he saved in Vietnam. Together, they will try to make Miyagi and the Karate Kid pay for beating him.
So it's all fine, The Karate Kid meets yet ANOTHER girl that is introduced only so she can play the damsel in distress. She's not even a serious love interest, which I think is stupid.
But then some of our villain's thugs trash the new shop because they forgot to lock the door, wait what? What follows is a loneg stand-off between the Karate Kid and the thugs that led to Mr. Miyagi selling his truck, a priceless Bonzai tree getting wrecked, and The Karate Kid, I'm just gonna call him KK, getting forced into the Karate Tournament to defend his title. What bugs me is this all could've been avoided IF THEY LOCKED THE DOOR. Now, come to think of it, they deserved all those things that happened to them.
So KK goes into the tournament, but seeing that Mr. Miyagi won't train him, he has to go into tutelage under...THE JANITOR! No, I'm just kidding, it was Mr. Silver, the guy who is helping our villain. So Silver tries to break KK down by having him punch...wood (excuse the Mr. Woodchuck joke).Seriously, who in the right mind would go along with that? I was right, they did deserve all that.
Eventually, KK decides to quite, and Mr. Silver isn't happy. He tries to kick his ass, but Miyagi saves him, while singing for no reason. Why? I don't know, maybe he just stopped trying.
So now we're at the tournament! After the villains being villains, KK wins. End of story. Goodbye. (Oh yeah, did I forgot to mention that the villains won anyways because they where still going to launch a bunch of dojos anyways, just saying)
This, movie....has just made me lose all respect for the KK franchise. And I didn't even see The Next Karate Kid, yet. Words cannot describe the level of fear I'm experiencing right now, so before I go into beetle-position, I'll give you the final score.

Final Score: C


Jul 5, 2011

I Spy Wii Review

Okay, about ten years ago, an I Spy title was released for the PC, I Spy Spooky Mansion. It was great, with the story being that you're trapped in a Spooky House and need to play I Spy Games to get scraps of a secret message that tells you how to get out of the house, It was great, the puzzles where clever, the graphics where just dull enough not to creep us out, and after beating the game you got a sense of accomplishment.
But I'm not talking about that game today.
I'm talking about the horrible remake of the same name, unleashed upon the world in 2010. This game was just such a dissapointment.
So, the first difference is they named the skeleton that gave you the scraps of the secret message to the creepy, feminine Skelly, although why a walking skeleton is in an old house is never explained. The second change is the graphics. Here is a perfect example of people trying too hard to make things look creepy (and failing). Sure, it looks creepy, and sure, I wouldn't spend a night there, but the remake simply doesn't make the house seem all that creepy, just dirty.
Thirdly, they try to build off of the original game. Notice I said try and not suceed. Thay's because that little factor killed all enjoyability of this game. After the main story of getting the secret message, they totally bog down the story with extra random "quests", if you will, that are unneeded and unwanted. Why? I'll tell you.
For those of you that have the game, please notice that it says there are over 30 I Spy Riddles. That's true' but there are literally 4 I SPY RIDDLES IN EACH LOCATION. I don't mind revisiting certain places once, but GOING BACK 4 TIMES IS RIDICULUOS. At the 3rd time, I was ready to put down the Wii remote, and shut the TV off.
In all, this is a frustrating game, but due to its clever riddles, and well-made puzzles, half of the game is worth playing. So I will give this game two Final Scores, one for each half.

1st Half Final Score: B+
2nd Half Final Score: D+

Jul 3, 2011

The Chapmaniac's Summer Reading

I love books. I have A LOT of books, and here are my favorite series, and series I heard are decent.


Favorite Series

Lord of the Rings- what many of you might not know is J.R.R. Tolkien also published 13 other Middle-Earth books, and I will read them soon.

Chronicles of Narnia- Although short, each one is a classic.

Inheritance Cycle- Although Eragon was a box office fail, the series’ other two books, Eldest and Brisingr, are infinitely better. Brisingr is the best book I’ve ever read.

Ender’s- Orson Scott Card’s Ender’s series is truly a masterpiece, and Ender’s Game will soon get its own movie.

Harry Potter- Despite the fact that each 700+ page book gets about the same amount of screen time as a dinky 100 page Narnia novel, Harry Potter continues to prove he is a modern-day classic.

Warriors- Now on the fourth series, Erin Hunter’s epic series about the Warrior cats is starting to lose its luster, but the books are still really good.

Star Trek- Although I haven’t read much Star Trek books, the two I read, The Starship Trap, and The Devil’s Heart, where surprisingly good, and with over 100 novels to its name, I have a feeling at least ½ of those novels are as good or better.

Bionicle- Although the typical Bionicle novel is 150 pages, they are really, really good. Greg Farshety proves again and again how good a writer he is. And hey, in the Volumes that have 3 or 4 of these books, you forget how short they are.

Magic: The Gathering – With over 60 novels to its name, Magic proves how awesome its universe is, with great novels like The Thran, and The Myths of Magic.

Tunnels- Tunnels’ epic storyline has me wanting very badly to pick up its sequels, Deeper and Freefall.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians- Rick Riordan’s flagship series is truly an Americanized Harry Potter, with gods.

Star Wars- Although there are many, many Star Wars duds, the good ones like Imperial Commando: 501st make the series worth it.

Series I heard are Decent, but haven’t read

Twighlight- Not a fan of the movies, but heard the books where really good.

Inkheart- This series was popular enough to get a failed movie, starring The Mummy veteran Brandon Fraiser.

City of Ember- Didn’t like the movie, hopefully the book is better.

TekWar- The comic book is good; hopefully the books will hold my interest and keep Jake Cardigan looking awesome.

The Golden Compass- Armored bears still look cool. Although a sequel seems unlikely, the books are still very much alive.

The Spiderwick Chronicles- Hated the movie, but I’ll give the book a chance.

Jul 1, 2011

Clash of the Titans Review

Okay, so I've seen 2009's Clash of the Titan's, and I think you should be warned. You might notice Sam Worthington, the same guy who plays Jake Sully in Avatar, plays Persius, but just because he did a good job in Avatar, doesn't guarantee a good performance here.
So our story is basically this: A rich king, who's name is mentioned, but quite frankly nobody cares enough to remember, leaves his wife alone. Zeus, being the jerk that he is, transforms into him and impregnates her. The King finds out, and drowns his wife and the child. But that child lives!
That child is Persius. Enraged, the king learns of this, and does some weird voodoo on himself, and also makes a deal with the devil, who wants to take over the world (of COURSE!)
So eveything is fine until Zeus gives a prophecy that a kraken will wipe out Persius's new home. To save his home, he gathers up a bunch of warriors and embarks on a quest.
During this quest, Sam Worthington proves that he can only act like a thug in movies. That's all he is! He's not interesting, and I wouldn't care if he died. The quest, is lame. The now demonic king kills off characters MORE INTERESTING THAN PERSEUS. There even is a whole pointless scorpion battle that had KEY CHARASCTERS DIE FOR NO REASON.
Anyways, what is his brilliant plan to kill the kraken? To cut off Medusa's head. In this equally stupid battle, his mentor dies smiling, the BEST CHARACTER, before he gets smashed. Persius defeats Medusa the same way Percy Jackson did, only not as good and with a shield.
Oh, yeah, and one thing I forgot to mention was Sam Worthington is in BADLY NEED OF A SHOWER throughout the film. There is good grit and bad grit, but this is just ridiculous. If Zeus really was helping Persius, he could just give him some soap.
So Persius beats the kraken, that doesn't look like a kraken, saves his city, and is whisked away to some rock-island. I'm not even going to get into the whole Hades-Zeus affair, because honestly, it's not worth it. They failed to portray Hades as anything more than a jerk, and seriously, it seems Zeus is more evil than him. Clash of the Titans is actiony, but in the end, all the interesting characters dying makes it simply not worth to watch. Also, despite having 'Titans' in its title, no titans appear. Come on, I want to see Kronos!


On the XBox Kinect

The Wii, as I've said before, is great. It unlocked motion controls sucess, and just was fun. It wasn't long before other companies started to copy Nintendo.
That is how we got the Playstation Wand, and horrible XBox Kinect. The Wand works very well, but the Kinect... well didn't.
Originally named Project Natal, at first when I saw the E3 press conference, I thought this system could give the Wii a run for its money. The whole "you are the controller" thing seemed like a really cool idea, but it just doesn't work. Here's why.
1. The Kinect relies on voice commands to pause, quite, or whatever their games. This might make certain games unplayable for gamers with speech problems.
2. The Kinect has you holding air. With no controller, racing games feel silly and weird. Same with swordfighting games and anything else that has you hold something! But Boxing is fine.

3. Some of their games have you holding hands and knocking into each other. Namely Sonic Free Riders. Enough Said.

4. Too expensive. With a retail price of over $200, it would make your already-too-expensive XBox even more expensive.

5. Dangers! With no safety nets or anything, hooked gamers (if there are any) might inadvertantly injure themselves.

6. No Walking. Like the upcoming Kinect Star Wars, enemies walk into your lightsaber instead of you chasing them. :(
So that's my thoughts on Kinect! Until next time, because it's Friday! Friday!